Unmasking

I've been on a path these last few years of self-discovery. This all started when my mom died of lung cancer a little over ten years ago. That's when my life began to unravel.

Inexplicably and almost immediately one of my two brothers made me his scapegoat to all of his troubles. My then girlfriend kicked me out my our apartment, kept the dog, stole all of our clients (we had a two-person design studio). I had to move in with an old high school friend. I scraped by for years. As I couch-surfed from one internet hookup to the next.

Until I my current partner, now going strong for years, we've had our many ups and downs. I often felt lonely or disconnected and would explore ethical non-monogamy. Some more successfully than others.

Then Covid hit and we were being renovicted. During this time we lost both of our pets. Penny, the beagle who was a rescue we had adopted together five years prior and Puppy, my sixteen year old grey tabby, who had been my best friend by no stretch of the imagination. She represented an era of my life that i can't imagine having lived through without her. I got my driver's license (for the second time as I had let it lapse having lived in Montreal my entire adult life) and we decided to buy a house, off-island in a town we had never ever heard of or visited up until then.

It was around this time, as we were settling into our new home that I was clues into HSP, highly sensitive person. I dove into it and suddenly I began to feel seen. I began to get a better understanding of myself. I hung my hat on that for a little over a year. I made the effort and reconnected with my family. Trying to connect with my siblings and trying to give my dad the attention and care I quickly noticed was severely lacking while trying not to cause too many waves.

But, when you are dealing with a narcissistic, type A bully who no longer has the one parent that would keep him in check...things inexplicably, once again, devolved.

That's when I came across an Explain Like I'm 5 about Autism on reddit. I read over most of the thread and was stunned at how much I related. How all of my weird quirks and awkwardness was being reframed and explain to me for the first time, without judgment. From there I started reading Devon Price and anything else I could get my hands on. Then I began to look into ADHD and again, more of it making sense. User manuals to better understand myself, finally after 45 years in the dark.

I am Autistic. I am an ADHDer. I have BPD. I am Neurodivergent. I am unmasking.