Thoughts on Resiliency & Kindness

Some time ago, I watched a TED talk about "grit". The speaker, Angela Lee Duckworth, links perseverance in the face of adversity to long-term success. I want to write about resiliency, instead. The two words mean almost exactly the same thing, but resiliency has another, secondary definition that I find interesting.

Grit is the firmness of mind or spirit: unyielding courage, per Merriam-Webster.

Resiliency is the capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.

So far, so good. The second definition is what interests me, though.

Resiliency is the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity.

Toughness and elasticity: that is resiliency.

I am lucky in that my wife is flexible and willing to adjust our life plans based on circumstances. I liken it to "catching the wave" rather than waiting for the one that you wish was there. This flexibility gives us a broader range of options to respond to life's "situations". Recently, I was put in a very tough position at work, and while I can't say I am fully out of the woods yet, I will say that without resiliency, I would even be where I am now.

In a way, toughness and elasticity are core attributes one needs to bring for a high pressure, high stress job. If you are not willing to endure pretty direct (and often brutal) feedback and actions from others, including your direct manager, chances are very high that you will burn out very quickly.

In a prior job I was reminded that what differentiates a leader from a follower is "grace under pressure" (leaning on Hemingway here). A mindset of grace and empathy complements toughness and elasticity beautifully. In fact, I would say that without grace and empathy, the relationships at home and at work cannot avoid becoming unnecessarily antagonistic.

Grace and empathy: that is kindness.

Reminding myself periodically, such as by writing this blog, that resiliency and kindness are the most important core qualities to retain at all times, is my way of dealing with life's adversities, however they may manifest themselves. Nothing in life is guaranteed, but being able to look yourself in the mirror is a strong win in my book.