March 15, 2021•704 words
A tweet appears on your timeline. A friend. The glyphs spell out "tfw no gf." You feel a twinge of sympathy, press "Like", and resume scrolling.
You're in bed. As you wait for sleep, a feeling emerges. Your thoughts tumble and swirl. A sensation of want emerges, echoing, repeating in your mind. You realize, you are having tfw no gf.
Despite the suffering, you realize something. This is an opportunity, to know that feel when no gf. But you need to gather some info. Ask some questions.
What do you want?
What does that mean?
I don't know.
What does it look like?
An image appears before you. A couple holding hands.
Tell me more.
Well, I think it would be nice to have a gf. She'd be hot and we would have sex. She would make me feel happy all the time. I wouldn't feel like I was missing anything anymore.
Where did that come from?
I don't know.
What exactly is causing you to want a gf?
Other people have this. They're happy.
What do you mean?
Cmon, it's a common thing, right? To have a lover. A basic human thing. Everyone has a gf. Why can't I?
Oh. You're comparing yourself to what you believe is normal. Well. What have you done to find a gf?
And yet you still expect one?
Other people don't seem to put in any work and they find relationships. I deserve that too.
You can't expect to get what you want without doing anything.
I know. But it feels useless even when I do try. Nothing happens either way. Yet the wanting remains. Every time nothing happens, I feel even worse.
You feel worse?
Yes, I feel rage, frustration.
At nothing. Well, at something. But it could be any number of things. I could hate women as a group, or a particular woman. I could hate my friends who seem satisfied. I could hate... myself, for failing.
What's it gonna be?
I choose to hate myself.
How does that feel?
There are parts of me that fuck it all up. Those parts are the bad parts. But right now it feels like all of me. Every time I feel this way, it just makes me remember those parts of myself I hate.
What part of yourself do you hate?
I used to hate my body. Now I don't as much. But I still hate other things. The way I act in certain situations without thinking. The times I make mistakes and open up and get hurt. The way people seem to perceive me with disdain. I wish I could never be hurt. I wish I could just be chill and relaxed like the people I envy, and then I could get what I want.
You know this is a catch-22 right?
Yes. But I don't care. I'm having a tantrum, I guess. I have wants! Why is everyone ignoring me! Someone please listen! Help me!!!!
I've been listening this whole time, you know. You're trapped in a narrow pattern of thought. I know it hurts, but you even articulated the problem already: that you're doing nothing and expecting something to happen.
You have more agency than you believe. Go make a change! Something new! See what happens! Then report back and we'll talk again. But surely you see that this doesn't help, and that you are a lot more than you're imagining yourself to be?
Yes. You're right. I see it. It hurts because I want to do nothing yet have everything, and I keep falling into the same ditch. But I feel comforted knowing that I'm not defined by this failure, this lack. I only believe to myself that I am. I am more than this. It's time to switch to a practical mode of thinking. Time to see what I can do.
You pull out your phone and look at your timeline. You felt an urge earlier to make a tweet, to type out "tfw no gf", but you know now it will accomplish nothing. Instead, you send a DM to a friend you haven't heard from in a while. "Hey, wanna hang out this weekend?"