Wrapping up 2024 with selfcare

I decided to leave my PhD program in November 2024, more than six years after I first landed in Canada. I've learned many valuable lessons throughout these years, but I'd say 2024 is the most important year for my growth as a person. If I have to pick one thing from this year, self-caring is definitely the most valuable lesson I learned.

While the administrative procedures started only a few weeks ago, I'd made up my mind a lot earlier. Leaving wasn't a particularly easy decision, but things became increasingly clearer for me in 2024: I am already working at a position and a company that I like, a PhD degree is not an absolute must for my career, and I struggle to find any bit of interest or motivation to grind out one last paper for graduation.

Most importantly, I've realized that nothing is worth sacrificing my physical and mental health for, that it's okay to walk away if things are simply not working, and that I don't really care about what others think about my decisions. Without these realizations, I would most likely have a rather miserable 2025 ahead of me, and a longer period to heal myself from that (don't get me wrong, I am currently still in a healing phase).

In 2024, I was very fortunate to make new friends who taught me the importance of caring for oneself. I began with small things everyday, like drinking water regularly, taking breaks from the screen, and sleeping more when I am tired. I shut my brain off from work after dinner on weekdays and any time during the weekend. I allowed myself to do more fun things like playing video games and watching movies the whole night. I eventually stopped thinking about academic research all together, and I no longer felt guilty about ignoring it (even though I was technically still a PhD student at the time).

These changes all felt natural. Ah yes, this is what a normal life is supposed to be like: I should not be working outside of my 9-5, I should not even let the thought of work seep outside of these hours, I should be enjoying myself while not working and sleeping, and I should take better care of myself physically and mentally. None of these was true while I was a PhD student, and none of these was possible while I was a PhD student.

Now, I am happy and content to close this chapter of my life, in a way that I didn't expect when I first started it. I don't get to write an Acknowledgement section, but I do appreciate everyone in my years as a PhD student: my supportive advisors, my amazing colleagues and friends, my loving parents, and, most importantly, my partner who has always been by my side.

I end the year 2024 with more care for myself than ever, and I hope I will be better physically and mentally in the upcoming year.