A 2021 Political Dictionary (draft)

A serious (but wry) look at the language you need to know in order to understand today's political conversations.

2020 was in many ways the culmination of several years edging towards a dystopian Orwellian nightmare, where language takes on new meanings from those that we are used to.

So you may find the following summary of key terms helpful in navigating today's political discourse. It is of course totally neutral in a subjectively objective manner (see how this new world of language works?).

Yes, dictionaries are traditonally arranged alpabetically. But didn't you notice those words in the first paragraph : dystopian nightmare. If you can't cope with words in the wrong order, you have little chance of navigating the intricacies of double-speak.

Woke :

xxxxx

Free speech :

Free speech is the right for Left-Wing proponents to espouse their woke agenda without criticism from the Right-Wing. All Right-Wing arguments, comments and discussions of objective truth represent hate speech and must be vilified without exception.

Gender :

Ha! Think you know the answer to this one ? Do tell. We can say with clarity what it used to mean. These days? Take your guess. It seems to be becoming confused with "identity", not to be confused with 'identity politics' (see below).

Identity Politics :

xxxxx

Democracy :

xxxxx

Left :

xxxxx

Right :

xxxxx

Centre :

xxxxx

Black Lives Matter / BLM :

xxxxxx

Virtue Signalling

xxxxxx

Taking the Knee

xxxxxx

Defund the BBC

xxxxxx

Gammon :

xxxxx

Remainer :

A person who came to a different conclusion than the majority over the issue of Brexit, most of whom probably thought deeply and seriously about what was best for our country, and had genuine concerns about the future, through a different set of values and priorities on independence and certainty. Generally, nice, kind people who can be considered friends, the majority of whom accepted the outcome of the referendum.

Remoaner :

An anti-democratic whinging moaning 5th columnist who just will not STFU. Remoaners generally are very successful at giving the impression that they care less about the future of the UK (n.b. different to a Remainer) than about lining their pocket. They seem to prefer the thought of living in a different country (probably a newly created one with a federal EU where nations states are slaves to the Commission), but most of the rest of us just can't work out why they don't pack their bags and leave. They also are generally frighened to go to bed without leaving a light on, and have tendency to engage in tantrums when they don't get their own way. There are rumours that they are inveterate bed-wetters, but we have been unable to find sufficient evidence to be clear on this point.

Great Reset :

xxxxx

Agenda 2030 :

xxxxx

Cancel culture :

xxxxx

Critical race theory :

xxxxx

Voter :

Innocent pawn in the great game of politics, who is seduced every 5 years with grand promises, couched in terms designed to be wriggled out of, and none of which are guaranteed commitments, just to provide an unassailable position of power to MPs (see below)

Constituent :

Hapless pawn : see Voter above.

MP :

Short term for Member of Parliament, increasingly used in the sense of : 'gosh, he's a right member, isn't he'. It is not entirely clear how this phrase works in terms of Gender (see above). Collectively there are 650 slime-balls, sorry MPs, who enjoy the gravy train of a decent salary, outstandingly generous expenses with almost no responsibility or accountability. Once in, it is extremely difficult to get them out, even when they are convicted of a crime and wear a 'tag'. MPs appear to undergo a hidden ceremony on appointment, where they are absolved of their sense of decency, their duty to constituents or even an obligation to follow laws which the rest of us have to.

House of Lords :

Formerly an important safeguard against the excesses of the elected government, it's now a bastion of crony-ism, where political has-beens are sent to get them out the way, pay them off with an honour in the hope they will just shut up, allow them to sleep somewhere other than park benches, and line their pockets further with £300 p/day for just turning up. To be a member of the House of Lords used to be an honour. Now it's close to being an insult.

DINOsaur :

A new phrase, which is fast growing in popularity. Modelled on the "xxx-INO" trend, the most famous of which was BRINO (Brexit in name only), DINOsaur applies to both people and organisations which play the "Democracy In Name Only" game. Typically this would include MPs, Lords, Government Ministers, executive and above levels of the Civil Service apparatus. Additionally, it could apply to die-hard supporters of the status quo and of the established political parties. They should be extinct. Sadly they are not. Not yet anyway.

Tory/Conservative :

xxxxx

Labour :

xxxxx

Momentum :

xxxxx

Liberal :

xxxxx

Green :

xxxxx

SNP :

xxxxx

Sturgeon :

Formerly this word was recognised as the name of the leader of the SNP. Now, it's fast becoming a substitute alternative word for LIE, LIAR and/or CRIMINALLY DECEPTIVE. Common uses are : He/She's done a Sturgeon. He/She's Sturgeon-ing.

UKIP :

xxxxxx

First Passed/Past The Post :

xxxxxxx

Proportional Representation :

xxxxxxx

Reform (formerly Brexit) Party / Farage :

Oh my word. Nigel, Nigel, Nigel. Where do we start?

Well, of course we start with : THANK YOU.

This man laboured for years, often as a lone voice, to expose the folly and inequity of the EU. And although it took over a decade, he got us to a point where we had a voice. However, he gave up too soon, believing (like we all did) that our government would do a decent honest job of following through on the unequivocal mandate from the people. Poor guy, he suffers a mountain of criticism for giving up, for his management style, for his alleged underlying motives. Frankly, none of that matters now, because the biggest question is : what is the Reform Party going to do?

Good question. Let us know the answer when you find out. Because we don't know. While it seems to be fighting the illegal immigration issue, and lockdown over-reach, that's not going to be enough for it to gain traction at the next election. An important pressure group, but not a viable contender. After all, they didn't gain UK electoral traction when they were at their peak. So not much hope now with an unclear focus and still a narrow agenda.

Reclaim Party / Fox :

Good old Laurence Fox. We applaud you. Seriously. The country needs you and people like you to stand up and say ENOUGH. But, excuse me, enough of what ? Yeah, yeah, we get it. We want to preserve our culture, our statues, our Britishness, our history. That is all so important. And not just preserve it but wind the clock back a little bit. We get all of that. And we agree. But what else? Sorry, the history of parties with narrow agendas is that they get masses of 'feel good' support, but no votes because of FPTP. And once you're past the "rah rah" stage of rallying people to a flag, what exactly are you going to do? About tax, about hospitals, about education, about investment, about foreign relations, about employment. Once you get clear on all of that, maybe you will stand a chance at the ballot box. But getting clear on all of that will take time, and will likely fragment the support base which you can muster on a single theme or narrow range of issues. Keep fighting the good fight. We are at your side spiritually. Practically, we believe the people need a better, grander, wider, more cohesive set of policies.

And finally ...

TIME :

The short name of the Time Party, a new, as yet small but growing, political party which is focussed on genuine fundamental reform of politics and governance, which will hold the balance of power at the next election. [Aw, come on : cut us some slack.]