Monday, Apr 8, 2024 at 9:59 AM

Mornings are always the hardest. They always have been, at least for me. Especially during times of overwhelm. Even more so during times overwhelm and sickness.

No willingness to get out of bed. No energy to face the day. The agony of waking up. Oh, how sweet it would be to sleep a little longer. Dream a little longer. Hide from reality a little longer.

At one time in my life I had days where I didn't manage to get out of bed at all. No food. No shower. No brushing teeth. Maybe I'd manage to drag myself to the toilet and drink for two seconds, half-haphazardly straight from the faucet. I think I peed in an empty bottle once. Or maybe it was a vase, I don't remember. I do remember that I never managed to pee the bed, so at least there's that. But it turned yellow anyway. After two weeks of struggling to get out of bed most days, and not having the energy to change the sheets ever.

That's the ugly side of depression. The side that people don't talk about. It's not that you're sad or in a bad mood. That might be the case too, but that's not the issue. The issue is that something, everything, is so out of whack you can't bring yourself to do ANYTHING. That's depression. At least for me. And with every day, it gets worse.