four months

You know, most people tend to think of love as something that either comes naturally or must be worked for. But to open up to a broader view, it's a mixture of both. True love can come without a second thought, but to seriously make things work, one must find a way to put effort into it-- like a fire that needs more wood or gasoline to burn.
But when you find a person who makes your world stop spinning-- even for just a moment-- you know your life has been flipped inside-out, all around and upside down. There's nothing inherently wrong with this feeling, it's just there, always inside of you.
I have a person like that. He's wonderful, he truly is remarkable. He's the respectable young man that every family wishes their daughters would marry. He's the melody flowing off of guitar strings, harmonizing with the wind as autumn leaves fall in an October blur. He's the sparkle in someone's eye that can bring a multitude of things.
I found that I felt the world crash when I spoke to him about a year ago. I was too anserine to realize that he was the one for me, and not anybody else. All the silly conversations we would have about the most random things always had me smiling and laughing when nothing else did. He would protect me in gym class, tease me in history, and never once said a single thing wrong to me.
"I made a guillotine, how about I try it on the Mexican?" He would say in between subtle laughs.
"Ooh, how about me instead?" I stood next to him, looking at it propped up next to the window. "I wouldn't waste the blade on anyone but myself."
"I'm not putting you in the guillotine." He would mutter, looking away as I stood there, unaware of the care and heart he put into the gesture.
Or perhaps that time at the end of my ex-relationship when the ocean was choppy and no smooth sailing was happening whatsoever when my friend noticed our interactions.
"You guys would be so cute together," She would stare into my soul with her pretty blue-green eyes. "You know, your own boyfriend doesn't make your smile come out like he does, matter of fact, I haven't seen you smile at all around him in weeks."
I passed it off as we were just good friends, and nothing more would come of it. I wasn't good enough for him and I already had a boyfriend anyways. But I soon considered her when I realized that he did make me laugh, and he did make me feel like I mattered to someone. He was the one, but I couldn't seem to find a way to channel that energy.
Until my friend passed that note.
I was so scared. My heart wouldn't stop pounding, and as soon as she passed it, I left the class to go to the bathroom. Sooner than later she came out as well with the biggest grin plastered across her face.
"Do you like Jenna? Yes or no." was answered a little something like "I don't know, ish."
So then, he and I started to flirt on the bus, I would steal his hat, he would steal my phone, and so on. But I still passed it off as just friends!
And then he texted.
"Can I speak to your daughter?"
"What's up?"
"Jenna said you liked me, is this true?"
My hands were shaking harder than they had ever done before and my heart was pounding out of my chest.
"Yeah."
"Same."
And that's where it left off for the summer.
Moving on to autumn, where crunchy leaves cracked and crumbled under my boots as I walked. It was October 7th, 2024. A normal day, a boring school routine, and tiring bus rides. But something was different. Something in me had been building up for far too long and just all of a sudden snapped like a twig. I saw things differently, and nothing told me to stay friendly anymore. It was time.
"I got a question."
"Yeah?"
"Do you still like me?" My finger hovered over the send button for over three minutes before I impulsively slammed my thumb down to the screen. I threw the phone on the bed and backed away, my anxiety rising like lava in a deadly volcano.
"Yeah, why?"
"I do too, and I was wondering if you'd like to take that to the next level?"
"What do you mean by that?"
"Be my boyfriend, silly."
"Sure."
And this is my favorite part. Everything started to clear-- like fog drifting away on a Tuesday morning. He hung out with me more and more until we couldn't get any more closer. My friend helped me take the first step by slamming our hands together. We held them together for a matter of 13 seconds.
Everything unfolded nicely, our conversations ranging from silly to love within 2 minutes. Our first kiss was another one to be remembered.
It was great.
Oops. I'm rambling.
Anyway, no, I love my boyfriend. I've worked for that love and it also just came to me. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me, and without him, I don't know what I'd do.
Happy four months, my farm emo, my drama queen, my princess, my tree. I look forward to continuing our journey and creating more happy memories with you. You're my absolute everything and I thank you for all you ever have and ever will do for me. I hope it feels the same for you, sweetheart.

I love you so much more,
Jenna
(rubber duckie crew)
02-07-25