i want to start a blog

[Originally published 7/20/24]

Per usual, I'm writing this at 1:04 am, a stomach full of Snapple blended with grass jelly tea and Caramel Crunch Frappaccino. This is the summer I became obsessed with energy drinks that will keep me awake until diabolical bedtimes (although I have not tried Celsius).

As a first entry, I'll be brief. I'll list some bullet points of sporadic thoughts I've had regarding blogging.

1. Will people think of me differently when they read my blog? Will they see a side of me they haven't seen before? I know that everyone has a different image of me in their head, some vastly different than others. My mom probably knows me the best, followed by my best friend. But other ephemeral passerbys into my life only caught a snapshot of my identity. Sometimes I get too caught up in other people's conceptions of me, chagrined over how I've embarrassed myself during that one interaction in the women's bathroom. Maybe this is my way of redemption so that people who don't know me as well as I'd like them to can.

2. I'm not sure who will read this. Friends, enemies, complete strangers? I won't reveal private information or the names of people in my life, which makes this different than a diary, where I could go full disclosure. I'm drawn to the notion of having my thoughts be read by others, which somehow renders them more significant than a stream of consciousness in a tattered journal.

3. Thanks to A, who inspired me to start this blog.