January 21, 2019•861 words
Sometimes, I daydream about what life might be if I stayed with Adrian. He wants a house and kids, the whole American dream, and he makes it loud and clear that he thinks I'm the perfect wife for this dream.
I disagree, but I don't go into the nitty gritty with him. I humour him perhaps more than I should.
I don't think he sees the bigger picture. He's so set on this perfect shiny life he has planned for us, but he doesn't see the hardships of it. For one, I want to make my career my life and I want to devote my 20's and 30's to becoming something like a surgeon. I don't want biological kids, if I do decide to have kids I will adopt ONE (1!) when I'm well past 30. I want to live in condos or small homes, and I'm not too interested in being someone's wife. I'm fine with long term dating or whatever makes me happy, I don't care too much. I don't have much of an extended family and they don't really get together anyway. We see each other every other Christmas but we are all sort of strangers. All my grandparents are long dead, and most of the fam is over 60. My parents had me late and they will probably die or be in a home by the time I'm 40. I have no siblings, or anyone related that will live much longer or keep in touch with me. Family has never been a big deal in my life, and therefore I don't care much to make room for it in my future. I want to have a lot of friends and people in my life, but having blood related ones is not important.
Adrian, on the other hand, is all about that perfect family, and husband and wife. He is a family guy, he loves his family and they are the type to get together for dinner and holidays and vacations to Disneyworld. He wants like 4 kids, boy and girls, and is totally against adopting or having just one. He wants his genes to live on, and his name. If I got married, I'd never give up my name! I WILL be Dr. [insert my current last name]. He wants a wife who will cook family dinners and be great at raising kids. I hate kids, I've never had to so much as hold a baby or have a conversation with anyone under 10 years old. I know, it's a typical teenager thing to say "I'd be horrible mother, I hate kids" but I'm not emphasizing that I'd be a terrible parent (I think I'd do alright), I'm saying I wouldn't be the
mom he pictures in his head. Adrian and I would have extremely different ideas about parenting.
Worth mentioning: his family doesn't hate me or anything, but they are not thrilled with me. I am quiet and weird, and have not made very good impressions... eg. I may be quiet at his grandmother's dinner table, but I am certainly not when I'm riding their son's dick intoxicated at 2am.
Adrian and I have such different priorities. I'd love to live a life with him and make him happy, but I recognize that eventually we would grow very tired of constant disagreements. He tries so hard to make compromises and get me as excited as he is about "our" future. He knows how much my education and career means to me, and says a million times over he will be a stay-at-home dad, cook, clean, do laundry and make me tea while I study all night. I say, where on earth would we get the money to raise kids while you are unemployed and I am in MEDICAL SCHOOL? We'd be so in debt it wouldn't be feasible. On top of that little pesky detail, he has dreams of his own to become a police officer, and I would never want to impede his dreams so I could pursue mine. His promises to cook, clean etc are empty, his family live in squalor and are very financially irresponsible. Adrian acts like if we get married, buy a house and start popping out children he will suddenly turn into a different person. I can see through that easily. He has fooled himself with this elaborate illusion.
We are 17 years old, for god's sake! He's going to meet so many more people (hopefully). And I am too, I mean I kind of want to have sex with more than one person in my lifetime! We have so many more things to experience. It's like he can't see that this is his first love, or doesn't believe literally everyone else that says your first love is usually not the last. I mean come on, is love really that blinding? He thinks this is it? This silly little high school jaunt with his best friend from middle school? I think one day he will look back on this and chuckle a little bit. Sometimes it's fun to daydream, but some dreams are better to remain as fantasies than reality.