Note 4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CgTM1p8li_s

Eileen Myles @ Passa Porta

Note 3

NOTES & reflections stemming from the reading of Alex Martinis Roe's book To Become Two. Propositions for Feminist Collective Practice.

From SECTION 2 “Our Future Network”

156
“What kinds of activities would create feminist alliances and collaborations among, for instance, cultural workers, medical professionals, lawyers, environmentalists, and social policymakers?”

157
“bridging practices”
AMR “brought together a group of 10 female cultural and academic practitioners (…)” for a “workshop in my studio in a setting designed with Fotini Lazaridou-Hatzigoga”.
“The central question was: how could the transdisciplinarity and othe methodologies that have come out of the digestion of sexual difference feminism (together with post-structuralism more broadly) in Sydney & Utrecht – which characterize the work of, (…) - affect the political practices we were experimenting with from France and Italy? For ex, I think it is crucial to continue to practice and reinvent what Libreria delle donne di Milano call “the practice of relations”, i.e. working on relationships as a political practice where the relationship starts from and values each other's difference. This practice could be a tool to form alliances (...)”

158
“task of storytelling” “translation” “performing a script” 
“meeting in a large house in the countryside near Berlin. (…) four days (…) “propositions for collective feminist practice”

159
Federica Bueti who is reasearching Carla Lonzi & Hélène Cixous
Asa Elzen wo creates artistic methods for feminist historiography
Fotini Lazaridou-Hatzigoga who designs facilitates and researches intersections bet social and physical spaces.
Sara Paiola working on relationship between motherhood and the law
Helena Reckitt

160
Svenja Engels focus on feminist-queer pedagogy
Lindsay Grace Weber on feminist queer and materialist approaches to history and philosophy
“as a handbook of political tools”.

163
Proposition #1
Archiving Relations developed with Lindsay Grace Weber

“What goes into the archive determines what resources historians work with”... “crucial site for intervention and initiative”
“Feminist archives, in my experience, don't contain enough information about the social structures of their organizations, probably because these structures are made up of countless spontaneous daily interactions.”

164
“consists mainly of formal publications, and not of more intimate accounts of their primary practice, the practice of relations. Their publications theorize that practice and give access to it through some storytelling (..)”

“Lindsay introduced me to the term of “self-archiving”” so as to “create histories of the crucial, but often overlooked importance of relationships in collective politics.”
“Through continuous collection of these traces, and a regular practice of selecting from them and making them accessible, it is possible to create a living archive of feminist political practice – a very different process from most forms of history making.”

ARCHIVE BOXES

Proposition #2
A Republic of Letters developed with Asa Elzen

167
“The salon was the central institution in which the philosophical discourse of the Republic of Letters was developed, where the debates of the “philosophes” were adjudicated by the figure of the salonnière, the host, who set the rules of conversation and the order and manner of contributions. These grand living rooms, established by women,”
“The conversations begun in the salon would then be extended through the exchange of handwritten letters, which could travel great distances and engage new voices in the debates as ideas within them circulated. These letter exchanges became a form of publishing and the salonnière would be the one to distribute copies of significant letters to her network.”
168
“This Republic of Letters, with the salon and salonnière at the cetre, gave rise to radical ideas that could have restructured society entirely – including dramatic changes to relations between the sexes and the structure of the family. However, this was replaced by a masculine intellectual culture that excluded women when the project of the Enlightment came to be carried out politically. As soon as this project became more fully “public”, it excluded women and with them the most radical potential salon culture and its affirmation of distinctions: social value based on the difference of each contributor, cultivated through discourse, rather than birthright.”

“mère d'alliance”

Note 2

Well anyway let's come back to what I was talking about. Care.
How can I care for you?
What can I do?

Incidental person
APG/Carla Lonzi

Note 1

Today is Sept 10. He said he would be back today and would get in touch from then on.
It's 13.47 and I still haven't received a message. I try to prevent myself from texting him.
I know he came back on Sunday and not today, as he said to me.
I could see it on the app, he was being geolocalised.
I saw that by accident. But then I kept looking where he was after I saw he was in Naples, and then in Pompeii, and then back in Naples. Then Charleroi, then Brussels.

I don't know why this is taking so much space in my brain. Maybe because it had been so long I hadn't had sex before I met him. Made me suddenly realise how dry this had all become. So good to feel these intense sensations in here below, even when I'm not with him, just feeling it here below like a wave. Wow, it's been so long.
I like this sensation so much it creates the impression that I need him so much suddenly. It's like a revelation. But maybe he's not part of the picture in the end, that's just his body and his taking care of me A bit too mechanically I would say sometimes and from a certain point of view. But I like it so much anyhow. Makes me excited just to think about it. To remember the intense feeling of surprise I got when I first touched his body, felt his skin, directly covering the muscles – no fat, no fat at all because he is so slim and young.

After 15 years I hadn't touched someone else. Wow I realised that all of a sudden. Hadn't touched someone else for 15 years apart from the extremely intense and close physical relationship with my children – and children are so soft and smooth as compared to that one experience. Like Barbapapas. His hands are really male-like, not so big but a bit large. Mine seem so thin next to his.
I like the way he touches and kisses me, but would anybody do that impression on me? I don't know actually. It's been so long. I feel so excited. It's so surprising. How come I forget about all this?
I'd like to do it three times a day now. Or more. No kidding. Never thought this would happen (anymore).

I've been thinking I should ask him : “how can I care for you?” How can I care for someone who has been through war, who obviously experienced the death of 6 or 7 of his friends, saw death everywhere, is split from his family being scattered all over the globe (Idlib in Syria, Saudi Arabia, Germany...)? Who managed to develop so many kinships here in Belgium, friends everywhere, connections everywhere ready to help him. But how come he have any feelings for me, that (ageing) woman with two kids and nothing much to give?

How could I imagine for a second that I could be of any importance, while he must be praying every minute that his brother doesn't get killed in Syria? While one of his main goals in life is to bring his parents and sister to Belgium – for which he goes to the refugees office twice every week since he arrived in Brussels? While he fought so much to be able to access that Masters studies programme while he has no diploma of any sort? I mean, how come he need someone like me, apart from my sex – and sexes are to be found easily all over the place, too, I guess – if it's only for the sex.

So what can I do?
He said he would cook me a dinner. A Syrian dinner. He lent me a book. A book about the war in Syria. I just lent my body twice for the time being (and many more times if I had had the opportunity... fck). What else can I give? Of course you don't miss me, of course you miss so many other people that are so much more important to you than I am. Me with my little secure life, who only has her (ageing) body to lie on the table (bed).

Sometimes I wonder. Why did I end up with such a person? Why not go out with a 45 year old white male, with a job and a house and money. Like the guy I met one year before (and actually ran away from). He had a situation, was obviously nice. He wanted to go to the theatre. But I was definitely not (sexually) attracted. And I thought I would be bored if it were to be only about going to see Camus at the French theatre. Boring. Not excited. I ran away. What can I do? Why did I end up with such a person?

Now I'm stuck with this story, waiting for him to give a sign - which he may never give?
But I have a book of his. He needs to take it back. And he said that he would cook for me. And he said that it would be great if I could stay at his place for the night (which I can't do for the time being, I don't want to raise any doubts in the mind of my future-ex-partner. Too early, it's going to be too early for a while...). Sex all night is not for tomorrow. All day, maybe, then?

Tomorrow I'll be seeing another man that I'm sure finds me attractive. Or is attracted by me. I haven't seen him for a while but I'm sure there's going to be some molecules floating in the air tomorrow. Maybe it's going to help me project myself into something other. Someone else's body. I need to disconnect my brain and body from this recent experience, or... It seems my brain has slipped inside my briefs. My panties. Slipped inside my panties. For the time being my tongue is still ok, but let's see how it goes. From my panties and all around that it seems something is going on which I forgot about for a very very long duration. How many people do without this? How long do people survive without this? How did I survive this?

Oh but I'm also thinking about another guy who has been keeping me excited for let's say one year now. He's a white European male! Can't say much about him, otherwise he may recognise himself. Or get recognised. I've been fantasizing for months that we would have sex in the wtc restrooms sometime. I've been thinking about this A LOT. For ages. Actually I think he did try to seduce me at a certain point. But it was too early for me. And since then he started living with another girl – who's a great girl, by the way. I wouldn't like to take him from her. But if he were still willing to have sex with me I would for sure not be able to refuse.

Otherwise there's two very cute girls. Never tried girls except for one, ages ago. Makes me shy. But I think I would like it also. I think I would appreciate. I'm curious. Let's try maybe?

Well anyway let's come back to what I was talking about. Care.
How can I care for you?
What can I do?