How to be a social butterfly
March 4, 2024•367 words
Be friendly, confident, and outgoing, and get really good at smalltalk. Figure out what sorts of topics work well for you, and use them as appropriate to keep the conversation going.
The opening's often the hardest for me, since I try to make it somewhat seamless. It's easier in some situations than others. Like, standing in a line or being on a bus, those are pretty easy. Strangers on the street (or at grocery stores) are trickier, since I feel like I need some kind of hook first (example: they have something on their shirt that I can comment on). One kind of shirt that is an easy target is shirts that mention a location I have ties to.
You can also try joining existing conversations if you overhear something you can contribute to. I do this at some restaurants with tables near mine. Some tables are happier than others to have you join in their fun, but you can just read that and react as appropriate. I've always stayed in my seat; moving to their table seems really forward unless you're really hitting it off. I lament that America lacks community tables at most restaurants. Bars are the closest thing, but they're strictly inferior.
§
I don't know how to convert these meetings into friendships though. I feel like it takes repeat meetings with the same person for something like that to happen. And that's what hobbies are for -- hobbies, and becoming a regular at certain locales.
It depends somewhat where you are, too -- Minnesotans are, in my experience, more open to friendship than Georgians.
Maybe one way you could try to convert a transient contact into a friendship is in inviting them to hang out with you later. Would need to have good rapport first ofc. And some good ideas in your pocket for fun things to do.
It helps to live somewhere with people your age and social hobbies that you like to do.
§
The key to avoiding coming off too strong, is I think just some contextual hook: some reason for you to be talking to a given stranger, and something that they would also be invested in talking about.