Me (when I see the mush Margo made of her ice cream): "You're gross." Margo: "YOU'RE gross! You take pills because you poop too much." ...

The kids didn't have any daycare lined up on the first week of winter break, so I took four days to work from home. I warned them that I actually have to do work, and since it's below zero all week and I don't have much money because of the holidays- we would be sitting around inside most of the time. They didn't seem to care. Any chance they can get to just lay around and be on their phones, they take it. I invited my niece over one day to break up the monotony, and we made a trip to Ikea on an...

After watching hours of "Brain Games" on Netflix where they talk about what makes people attractive to each other: Margo: "Dad- I know why your single!" Me: "Ugh. What now." Margo: "You're fat, and your face is all out of proportion!" ...

When my kids were born, I had to break the habit of swearing. It was hard because I've been doing it since the third grade and I'm really good at it. My friend Jon and I would sit on top of the monkey bars during recess and try to come up with the most offensive combination of 'swears'. It took until high school before I realized the subtlety of offending someone. It wasn't about the offensive words themselves, but the picture you paint for them. I felt like a retiring prize fighter when Audrey ...