Game design anxieties

It was the end of the work week and I had submitted a new level to the lead designer for review.

But, now I had to wait for the feedback. The worst part of the job is the wait to hear what people think of your work.

So, of course my imposter syndrome kicked in.

My plan, as usual, was to tell myself that I'd been doing this for a long time and that my experience would carry me forward. Talent, experience, and passion is all that mattered.

But, my brain didn't believe it. Who was I kidding? I'm way out of my depth here. This was my first time making a level for this game and it was in a genre I was unfamiliar with.

Needless to say, I didn't sleep well that night. Was I about to find out how bad I sucked? Not long ago, we had a round of layoffs. Was I going to be on the chopping block next? Should I have worked harder? Crunched?

The next day I rushed to my laptop to see if my lead had play tested my level. And to see the feedback that would expose me as a fraud.

But, to my surprise the feedback wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It was a little direct for my taste, but also fair. The level had problems, but they were fixable.

So, I thanked my lead for the feedback and began the process of iterating the level.

I cringed at my obvious mistakes. And I still questioned if I'm I qualified to be a professional game designer.

But, as I worked through the feedback, the level was getting better and better. It was becoming fun. Things were clicking.

So, that was the moment I realized something important about this craft.

I used to believe talent was the most important thing and that experience is what made a good designer.

But, that's not all true. A lot of this job is learning to be vulnerable so that we have a shot at making something special for the player. It's about hearing tough truths about your work.

So, I'm pretty sure making games requires a good dose of imposter syndrome. Embrace it.