Entering Islam - reverting and the Shahada

So maybe we should get to the part where I actually become Muslim - or rather, revert to Islam.

Being ready for me, was knowing that I am wanting to, whilst also knowing I will never be ready

It was post research, post meeting and knowing other good people who were Muslim, post 'watching Dark' and various other small things and occurrences. It was years on from when I first looked into things - a gradual process that got me to the point where essentially:

• I wasn't sure about accepting the core beliefs. In part because I felt I didn't know enough
• I did agree with pretty much all of the qualities and way of life that Islam prescribed
• I had a want, to understand more

But it was still all out of interest, or perhaps just to learn more.

I was still of the opinion that, it'd never be me.

But for some reason or another (Allah knows best) time dragged me to a point where my reasoning for not becoming Muslim, was because I wasn't ready, I am not knowledgeable enough, I need more time to know why, I need to be able to blah blah

Being ready for me, was knowing - that I am wanting to, whilst also knowing I will never be ready. I felt like I wasn't good enough or worthy to be what I thought of as a Muslim, because I held this label in higher regard than I did myself. However, I also recognised shortly afterwards - that this sense, came from me, and not from the religion. A sense of inadequacy is a pretty common human sensation, but Islam had not put this on me, Islam goes out of it's way to be open and easy in times where it is needed.

Not to sound depressing, but I know that death can come at any time. It's a hard truth, but it is one all the same. People are always going about their life when death takes them, sometimes they see it coming sometimes not. But in many ways, you just never know.

So I decided. I am going to become Muslim. I may be what I would consider to be a 'bad one' (lacking in knowledge and ability). And I might never be a good one, but it is better to be a bad one and die in that state than it is to be a non-one and die in that state.

I believed enough that I wanted to at least be on the right side of the fence - even if I had know idea what I was doing.

And I possibly discredit myself a bit, I knew things, more than some less than many. But I felt like I was at a stage where I was just making excuses, rather than raising valid (to me at the time) concerns.

So I took my Shahada (testimony of faith) and entered into Islam.

I did so at home, I didn't go into a masjid both because I just wanted it to be something then and there, but also because it was lockdown, so would have been extra hard. Either way I knew enough to know it was between me and Allah, and that my home, or a masjid, both would be fine. Some prefer one or the other - I like it as I did it, and I felt far from alone.

I read out the words from some note paper in both Arabic and English, I washed and I started the rest of my life as a Muslim.

For those interested, it goes like this:

*How to pronounce Shahadah
The Shahadah can be declared as follows:

“ASH-HADU ALLA ILAHA ILLA-ALLAH WA ASH-HADU ANNA MUHAMMADAN RASUL-ALLAH”.

Shahadah in English
The English translation of the shahadah is:

“I bear witness that there is no deity (none worthy of worship) but Allah, and I bear witness that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah.”*

https://islamqa.info/en/answers/11819/how-to-become-a-muslim