i yap about instagram

I never went onto Instagram when I was happy, and I was happy whenever I was outside and hanging out with people, seeing them face-to-face. I only ventured there when I was feeling bored, or lonely, or stressed out, or feeling distressed, seeking for validation or distraction from the problems pressing into me. I got those drug-like dopamine hits and left feeling distracted and a bitter lingering feeling that I was not adequate, that I was missing out.

I resisted the idea of deleting Instagram before because of FOMO. All my friends were on there, I couldn't reach out to people through DM's, I wouldn't know what was going on in other people's lives or the world. But on social media platforms--not only Instagram, but even YouTube videos--we must make a distinction between HOW we receive the information. On Instagram, information was being thrown at me at rapid speed. The constantly rotating stories with a time limit caused me anxiety and vertigo. The Reels are so short, pivoting from crying to unstoppable laughter. Information and updates are shoved into your eyes and slipped off easily in your brain. I often ask myself, "do I remember anything from all the 30 minutes of Instagram Reels I watched today?" and I have to answer with a timid "no".

Our modern sphere cannot begin to grasp the concept of boredom, and that is a huge problem.

But the entire culture is toxic. In fact, the entire Internet culture is toxic. It seems like the underlying purpose of netizens is either to profit or to ridicule people. People have evolved to become more narcissistic and more critical than ever. A reel that is optimistic, helpful, and cute will be deemed "problematic" and mercilessly picked apart by the pointy teeth of others. Every single other Reel, I couldn't help but wonder the level of insecurities and self-hatred the mean-spirited comments caused the innocent creator.

There no longer exists authencity. Each post is fabricated, from the posture to the lighting to the outfits to the caption. I remember that I couldn't even go out to a mall, hiking, sightseeing, getting Yogurt or food, or hanging out, without putting out my phone, documenting it, and posting it. It became an incessant crave for validation through the form of likes, views, and comparision to old versions of yourself, your friends, and people you don't know. Girls especially are reduced down to their physical appearances and are sexualized to become more attractive or appealing. It's like the mating call of animals, except digital form.

I remember the irrational anxiety of making sure that my Internet profile was a good representation of who I was in real life, from constantly taking selfies to the point where I felt self-absorbed. We seek for connection on apps, when in reality it is impending us from forming real connections. No amount of comments on my post saying I belong on the cover of Vogue can make me feel that real spark of connection when I exchange smiles, a knowing look, or even feel a sense of attraction to someone.

Trends are zooming by faster than ever, and the value of objects. Decade-long problems in American society such as materialism, beauty standards, insensivity, racism/homophobia, discrimination have resurfaced. Because of the ease of becoming famous, teenagers further abandon any interest for learning, schooling, and entering the workforce, exacerbating the effects that the pandemic has already caused on education.

I'd seen countless video essays on our culture, which made me feel included and smarter and analytical, but in reality it was holding me back from learning about the real culture. Here we must raise a moot point: what is culture, then? Is our modern culture too artificial and immature to be considered worthy of analysis? I don't know how to answer these questions yet.

I think I have a much better relationship with Instagram now. I rarely watch Reels or short-form content because frankly it makes me very dizzy and tired and want to throw up. I understand now that it is a platform where people share their highlights and so I look at everything with that understanding. It is like Behance, a place where people share their (presumably) Photoshopped work--the mood and lighting perfect. Instagram is supposed to be like that. Perfect photos. Unrealistic photos. I go on there to admire people's pictures, not to feel like that's the standard of life that I should be living, because most often that's not the life that the people are living, either.