The Words To Sing Or Say

This pain that just won't go away
I feel it every night and day
So grateful when it's less than five
I do all this Just to survive

At times I thought it was a test
To try and push me to my best
At times I thought I showed neglect
When my own body needed rest

A break was hardly scheduled in
A calendar that sought to win
With strategies of enterprise
That took my heart to it's demise

I played this life as if a game
And gained XP to cast my name
Among the greats that brought us change
From chaos that they rearranged

At first I found a great devisor
Plans that came to life
But every year as I grow wiser
I see the burden, know the strife

I wonder how it all affects me
Their best advice is go and pray
I know a source of good directs me
Evil turned my eyes to Grey

So I set a greater aim
And ventured on a noble quest
I knew I'd never be the same
For I was here to meet my nest

The prodigy came back so broken
With stories he had never spoken
Could be try and speak them here
Could he be himself sincere

For in his mind he saw a world
Of freedom, peace for boys and girls
He honed his craft and played his roles
And lived alone between the poles

Alienated from his nation
He suffered in his contemplation
From those who called him Sir and Khan
To those that called him their Janaan

He had to search within the depths
He had to take his deepest breaths
Loving here was hard because
A land of lies is where he was

Formed on faith and unity
It's discipline was martial law
Violent claims of purity
What conclusions would he draw?

Nations have their armies
While this army had a nation

Bit by bit the veils were lifted
Freedoms lost were slowly gifted
He had a need for true belief
A knowing that would grant relief

From pain he learned to just accept
With secret hope that he had kept
So safe behind a gentle smile
That kept him going for a while

So he could stand and venture forth
Love and courage in his style
West coast wisdom from the north
To last him just another mile

Until he'd break and suffer more
In his room he'd lock the door
And try to heal in any way
Find the words to sing or say