you

Maybe to him it's something like, most girls he's around are in their own orbit, unbeknownst to the wonders of the world, not endowed with a certain disposition of humility. of innocence yet wisdom, of tolerance yet protectiveness, of righteous fury yet generosity of spirit, and he trusts his intuition bc he's spent years obsessively analyzing and reading people without true emotional resonance.

Someone who can pierce through and See into someone's soul, but who has generous intentions, who doesn't give up or turn her back on anyone, who has deeply spiritual sensibilities, who is brave yet needs to be protected, who works hard yet is humble enough to not take herself seriously, who doesn't live in denial of her feelings, who calls him out on all of his shit yet is ultimately forgiving, who refuses to play his game by maintaining her own sense of self

Feeling like we "click" but the terrifying part is our relationship is premature. He wants my feminine innocence and my masculine boundariedness. He wants the part of me that tells him he's a stupid idiot but also the part that says that that's okay. He feels a sense of unconditional love without obligation to consummate it, which makes him feel tempted to consummate it, yet he's terrified of its fragility and ultimately my fragility, yet he's intrigued by how I'm insulted by anyone saying I'm fragile even as I acknowledge i am

he says i challenge him to ego death, says i'm close to God, admires me incessantly, and i guess it is bc i have a good heart without enabling him to coddle or protect me more than is needed, which makes him obsess more over my humility and my independence, things he doesn't have

it's hard for me to admit he might liek me because that's so much energy to be able to see. it feels like a weight in my soul to feel someone's insane desire, to feel like i'm someone's ticket to immortality. yet this isn't the first time anymore i've felt this way. This pattern must be changed, but what will i become if i can see how i hold such a key to a man's soul?