No dose today.
I find myself able to actually look at my past self, and the self-hatred I harboured, as well as the closed-off attitude towards the world, and to actually smile and laugh instead of feel terrified and despairing. I smile and laugh not out of cruelty but because of how off-base I was, how unneccessary all that pain was, and how easily it can be shifted.
It's amazing how attitude, how self-compassion and light-heartedness, truly are simple choices one can make. I'm maneuvering around various attitudes to life to try to find good ones that allow me at once to "get over" my past, and simultaneously to grow self-compassion.