20 Feb 2021

hi,

i just dreamed of you last night. it was a nice dream, but it might hurt just because maybe i realized it was just a dream? but i never regretted it because i thought it was real except until i woke up. it was like back to life when at its best, maybe the time when we used to be?

we spent the day at Delapan Padi, you know doing some coding shit to get the job done. and then come back to my room at night, kiss your eyes as you know, and make love before we sleep.

the hurts part is in the last section, because in that part i just realized it was just a dream.

a fucking dream that ends with fuck.

and this morning i just realized i was still waking up alone in this fucking bed, no one sleeping beside me. the thing i hug is a fucking pillow, not your body. and the eyes and smile that i love only live in my mind, nothing more.

i don't know why i dreamed of you, something i believed wasn't because i missed you. no, i don't miss you. fuck you, babe. maybe i'm just... exhausted? or fragile? or depression?

or maybe i miss you?

do I miss you?

if so, what's the use?

god damn it, i feel like i miss you. miss you so much.

and now what can i do? text you? call you? email you? no, i don't wanna meet you. just staring at your face by looking at my Nextcloud file hurts, even if it feels beautiful.

or how about sending a prayer? sending a letter? and hey, now the 20th and february are coming to an end.

time flies fast, isn't it?

ok i don't wanna waste your time and mine, so, yeah, i miss you, baby. even i don’t now what’s the use, but i don't think anyone can stop it, right?