Entry 1: On the conditions of love

One of the things that I have engaged in, and wrongfully so (now that I have more experience under my belt), is giving myself away so frequently without a fastidious method of inspecting the underlying issues that come about as a result of such actions. I hate that I can't be there for everyone that I have come to call people worth loving, at least on a personal, intimate level. It's an insatiable appetite to form bonds where previously, they had no reason to escalate beyond a simple friendship or acquaintanceship.

Is it because I am bored? I would not think that was the case. After all, I have many a things on my plate to keep myself busy. The likelihood that anything good will come out of this, is slim. Many times, I have stretched my net of emotions over the sea, and snared far too many fish. One would think I have learned my lesson going further along this path of life, but here I am still chasing after forbidden, impossible wants and desires. I am just a man, and a truly fallible man while at that.

On top of struggling with the basic tenets of being a decent human being, I now have to deal with the destructive nature of the heart, intertwining with erotic tendencies. Romanticizing with these rose colored contacts, constantly drawing me into a place where I am blinded to any consequences that often cannot be resolved with a moment's notice. The feelings themselves, are quite a force to reckon with from a purely fleshly point of view.

I have hurt too many playing such a dangerous game with hearts, both mine, and theirs.