john

It's Christmas Day, and this evening I'm sitting inside alone, skimming through old emails in one of many accounts I've created over the years. The new year is right around the corner, and apart from the canned sentiments surrounding making new year resolutions that inevitably fall through, I am filled with a sense of dread. I am always running away from something in my past. Parsing the messages I have sent to people and what they have returned in kind, I can't help but feel both nostalgic and ...

"Every human being is in the process of becoming a noble being, noble beyond imagination; or else, alas, a vile being beyond redemption. The dullest and most uninteresting person you can talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet if at all only in a nightmare. There are no ordinary people. It is immortals that we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit; immortal horrors or ev...

Men used to rush to die, now it seems everyone is afraid of it? Why? They used to die for a nation or people and way of life that were worth protecting or so they believed. No one is eager to die for moral relativism, consumer culture, and degeneracy. It’s truly sad because there is still so much worth fighting for behind the front pages but it’s become increasingly hard to see that it even still exists. ...

It's halfway through April, over a year after the Corona Virus Pandemic swept through the world, leaving devastated survivors, and an aftermath of economic ruin. And yet all I can think about sometimes, is how much I hate myself. I'm almost at the point where the sudden break from young adult and middle age are married in a confusing period where I myself am never too sure when I am being too immature, or worse, aged in the eyes of society. What I hate is that I am constantly rehashing nigh...

One of the things that I have engaged in, and wrongfully so (now that I have more experience under my belt), is giving myself away so frequently without a fastidious method of inspecting the underlying issues that come about as a result of such actions. I hate that I can't be there for everyone that I have come to call people worth loving, at least on a personal, intimate level. It's an insatiable appetite to form bonds where previously, they had no reason to escalate beyond a simple friendship ...