#66 Choose happiness over sacrifice

When I grew up, mom never used to join us for breakfast or dinner. She’ll be busy in the kitchen cooking for me and dad. Her logic was the breadwinner of the family and the kid should eat first and they should eat it while it’s hot and fresh. She’ll eat after we finish eating. I always hated the idea. As I grew up I tried to reason with her, said we could all eat together. But she never listened. She used to say that this is how women are suppose to be. I don’t blame her. She was conditioned that way by her parents and the society.

The very definition of a woman meant sacrifice according to our so called ‘ancestors’. Today, women are building successful careers and yet they’re forced upon to follow the ‘imaginary family women guide’ - the imaginary guide that has lessons like ‘a home maker should put other’s needs before hers’ or ‘she should even be ready to serve a portion of her food to her husband or kid because their happiness is our happiness’, etc.

I disagree. I believe that at some level, rules like these bring inequality right from our homes.

How long will women be happy from making others happy! They can instead be happy doing what they please, by eating their portion of the meal while its hot, and by having a meal together as a family. They don’t have to please the nameless ancestors or the rest of the society.

After I got married, I came to know that my wife felt the same way about this issue, so we decided to change a few things. We made sure that the three of us (I, my wife and mom) eat at least two meals together. It doesn’t matter if the food isn’t hot! We wait until everybody is present at the dinner table. And we split the portions equally. Nobody gets special treatment. Everyone is equal when it comes to family.

I know it isn’t much. But, we can only do what we can and one step at a time.

Sacrifice is a great virtue. It should happen because of love and not because someone said something a thousand years ago.