#83 The Baby Pressure

If you're an Indian, one of the things people ask you as soon as you get married is "so, when is the good news?" - which is the code word for 'having a kid'. Indian society hasn't come to terms with how pressuring and violating that one question is. They keep asking. And many ignorant newlyweds give up to this peer pressure.

It is a lovely move for couples in long-term relationships, but it is dangerous for someone who'd gone through an arranged marriage.

Without knowing their partner and strengthening their relationship, they jump head down into the parenting phase. They never think about "what if we're incompatible? What if one of us is not who they claimed to be?".

In a bad marriage, a baby doesn't strengthen the bond but forcefully keeps two unhappy people together. Result? The couple goes through a troubled marriage and the kid goes through a rough childhood. A baby is often prescribed as a default solution for all relationship problems. Whenever someone goes through issues during the initial stages of a marriage, previous-generation pundits say "A baby will solve all your problems." They believe that the arrival of a newborn will help the couple enjoy each other's company. But, a couple should enjoy each other's company. Only then they should think about having a baby.

So, what should you do? Spend more time with your partner during the courtship period and after the wedding. Travel, be around each other a lot, and get to know each other. Fight, quarrel, argue. Find common ground.
Fall in love. Be crazy about each other. And, when you're at the happiest phase of your life, think about taking it up a notch by having a kid. The uncles and aunties who ask you for the "good news" aren't gonna lift a finger when you're fighting your battles. It's news for them, but life for you.