#84 Patriarchy begins at the hospital

My wife and I crossed a major milestone last week. We had a baby girl. She is so pretty we constantly wonder how! Genetics works in mysterious ways, I guess.

When I was at the hospital for my wife's delivery, I noticed something. Everyone at the hospital - from the hospital staff to random strangers on the elevator thought of the same thing. They assumed I had a boy. They addressed the baby using male pronouns. For instance, I was bringing the baby back to the room after her vaccination and a bunch of nurses and ward aides saw the baby on the elevator and asked me "Ayya jolly ah thoongurara?" (meaning "Is the mister happily sleeping?"). I said "Ayya illa Amma".

Our society has a greediness towards male children and it starts right from the hospital. This happens everywhere and is more common than you think. When I told this incident to my mom, she mentioned a couple of incidents she's heard from her relatives and friends. For example, hospital workers in several institutions demand a more generous "tip" if a couple delivered a male child. I heard of an incident where a hospital worker asked one of my relatives in the delivery ward "Is it a boy?", and they said it was a girl. The hospital staff replied, "Oh! You look too happy. So, I thought you must've had a boy".

These subtle, unconscious bias towards the male gender sows the seeds for patriarchy in our society. It's great that we're taking steps toward women education, safety, etc. But, we should also be conscious about how we perceive their arrival into this world. Because when the huge part of a society has a perception, it eventually becomes the way.

You might think of this as a small issue. But, I feel that the repercussions of this issue troubles women until they grow old. And it worries me as a father. How am I going to change it? I don't know. I'm still figuring out how to be around a baby. But I want to put this thought out into the world so that more people can realise the unconscious bias around us.