Kaleidoscope

@ks

I endeavor to live in the moment. In the meantime, here is a sum total of all yesterdays and tomorrows - Chandra S.

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Only For You...

Inspired by: Fear of loss

Every now and then...
I roll out
of a rude dream
and find myself
in some unknown stretch
of the night;
gaping blankly
...almost obtusely
at the false ceiling.

It is
at a time like this...
when the preceding dusk
is left behind... a long way
and I have no idea,
if the first blush is near
or still faraway;
that the mind conjures the cine-effects
like an elaborate multiplex
and a myriad portraits of you
and your groom
begin to flicker.

*

...There is that veteran wedding-album
of nineteen sixty seven.
In some photos
you both look tired.
In others...
...happy
...unseasoned
...childlike
...shy...

I see your vibrant un-arrested youth,
those wonder-filled eyes of first,
and then the second instance
of parenthood.
Do you remember mom?
And you dad?

I remember:
The grammar, the math
and the etiquette
that you have taught;
the silly queries
that you have solved;
and the medical opinions
that you have sought
for your gasping, asthmatic son.

Do you remember mom:
the eleven a.m. tea,
and peeling out the peas
in the cozy winter glee?

And dad, do you remember:
the visit to the cynic herb-doc
and the early morning moped-rides
in the impenetrable January fog?

Dad: Your out-station tours
Mom: The memoirs
of your childhood

...................∞

I remember so many of our times together.
How I wish they could last forever.
But as I approach forty-eight,
the inevitable dread
stares in my face
and often...
the rude dream that I wake up from
is about the time when you will be gone.

*

Tonight
is one such night
and I hope it is alright
to tell you
that even if I were sixty-two
I could hardly do
without;
your unconditional blessings,
honest counsel
and a love
that is
…immutable and true.

*

The heart is now at the brim
and like for every intense feeling
the vocabulary has become slim.
A few words quiver:
Thank you, love you, miss you....
None delivers
but I know
that you will know
just like you did before.

Therefore,
the remaining composition contains
all my pure silence:

……only for you.

© Chandra S.



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