If only I could game then I could use the consoles I buy

I grew up in the 90’s and had a Super Nintendo. It was glorious, Super Mario World was epic, the pinnacle of 16-bit graphics.

I never completed the Super Mario World Game. I have never completed any video game.

Throughout my life to date I have had a range of consoles, a lot of Sony devices all the way up to the PS4. In recent times I have obtained a Nintendo Wii and Switch a Microsoft Xbox One S. Older handhelds like the DS in various forms.

I have a desktop PC with a mid-tier gaming capable graphics card. I am fully loaded to play games right now.

As much as I like the idea of gaming, I don’t play games very often, I’m utterly rubbish.

Modern games literally confuse me, too much going on. I am still stuck in the 16-bit era of 2d platformers with cartoon like graphics and simple controllers, I never even managed to complete them.

I am a gaming loser, if I’m in with a group of gamers playing some online event, I am the guy that the others must carry. I am a digital burden. This has lead to some abuse from online encounters with strangers. People are really harsh when hidden behind a computer or console.

I’m quite intimidated to play online with random people so I avoid this.

When I have played with real life friends because they have convinced me to make up numbers they are much kinder but I know they are just being polite. I’m the guy that can’t figure out how to pick up items, walk, run or crouch at the right time.

If I have to revive you in a game you may as well just count yourself as dead, I’m not going to be able to work it out.

What I experience in the gaming world is similar to what I experienced in school with PE. I was the last guy to be picked and was also useless. I’m okay with that, facts are facts.

I have genuinely tried to improve in gaming (not PE) but fundamentally games stress me out, I panic in the heat of the moment. I’m just not good at it.

I have also found the time investment is not worth it for me. Learning to play games is all well and good but it doesn’t really bring anything of meaning to me. I have resigned myself to the fact that it’s a waste of time, mainly because I’m bad at it.

As I write this, yesterday I bought a Sony PS Vita. A handheld console now discontinued, the successor to the PSP. £40 from a pawn shop. Bargain.

Why did I buy this? I wasn’t play games. This has been the same for every console and graphics card I have bought in my adult life, it was only to recently I actually realised that.

I want to see the hardware. I have no use for it in it’s stock configuration. I do have a honeymoon period where I will attempt to game. Once I remember I’m terrible, I look to see what else can be done with it.

One of best triumphs in years gone by was buying a PS3 to play Gran Turismo, hammering that game quite hard for a month then stopping and began immediately started modding the device to run Yellow Dog Linux. It was awesome to see a desktop on a console. I have repeated this type of hacking on other consoles and will embark on this journey with the PS Vita.

Eventually the hacking will be done and I won’t play on it and I will sell it.

The experience of messing around with these devices is cool. Doing things that the manufacturer didn’t intend is always a great feeling.

Our devices are so locked down and I’m not okay with that. If I buy something tangible like an electronic device I have the right to do whatever I want with it and won’t be told otherwise.

From a monetary point of view it is not worth it, I have ruined hardware by accident by trying to make it do things it shouldn’t, that is the risk I take but the knowledge I gain is quite handy in my opinion.

Having a little win over the manufacturer and pushing devices to their limit, while also taking inspiration from the dedicated people who create these hacks is the only way I can explain why I will continue to buy consoles and then not game on them.