April 5, 2023•165 words
At my lowest, my most desperate and miserable -- sobered up, slowly dying, I was ready to give up everything. My job, my family . . . everything because nothing brought me any joy.
He would ask what, in a perfect world, I wanted. What did I imagine things could look like?
I had no idea how to answer the question.
I sobbed on my mother's shoulder, "Why can't I just be happy?" as I recounted children I loved, a wife I adored, a job that was my dream job.
What I did not understand at the time was that I couldn't fathom myself happy. I couldn't picture a configuration wherein I could survive, let alone thrive.
I would soon learn the first step was realizing I neither had nor sought hope. That tiniest of seeds 🌱 grew into a sapling I could hold on to. It will grow to be a strong trunk 🌳 I can lean on in time. All in time. ⏳