Sunday, Oct 12, 2025 at 9:08 PM

I never wished death upon anyone as much as I wished it on myself…
Every time I wish it morning, day and night no one around me seemed to notice how am I doing maybe I fake it too much or maybe they just don’t care maybe I just don’t matter, I see it in their faces it’s like I barely exist and I’m just there to tend to their needs like I’m just emotionless no feelings just fake smiles and silence, been like that all my life no one reached out no matter how much I suffered no one was on my side, when I was deep in struggle no one knew no one felt no one gave me a hand just thought I was doing great because of the smile on my face saying I was just being childish and of course who would believe me no one. It’s always been me alone no family no friends just me hoping for the best and wishing to never wake up every morning, they killed the child in me with no mercy they just dismissed me with no second look like I meant nothing they did it over and over and over again till I questioned my own existence, I never asked for much just to be left alone in peace but no one understood that, yet they turn around and demands my help, where were they when I was suffocating with no one to hear me where were they when I was all alone trying to pick myself from the ashes where were they when I clearly couldn’t take it and decided death would be an easy solution to put an end to this torture, I was just a child I should’ve been protecting not left alone to fend for myself I did not deserve that not now not back then, but no one spared me a look. Till this day they think I have not one single problem like I’m living in heaven and they just all have problems and I need to be a good girl and just help them out while they ignore my own problems of course I don’t matter I never did who am I to speak about what I feel or what happened to me it just doesn’t matter it’s all childish. Now I’m just here just for the fun of it I’d be lying if I say I don’t care if others cared about me in reality it hurt whenever I think about because it’s the ugly truth that no one like to think about but sadly I can’t do anything about it I can’t make people care it’s their lives I just give up let it be I’m at a point where know I can die and no one will ever care or look for me because I simply am not showing up any more, it’s funny how people want to live I envy them, point is life is a bitch then you die nothing is worth your time, no one is worth your time and it shows how sadness turned to anger that’s what happens when someone doesn’t vent for too long always quiet pretending they are great it just leads to closed off ends there’s no light at the end of the tunnel there’s your ashes left after being burned one too many times that only you can pick up and not apologize for its own it or else what is the purpose of your life.