A Little Bit Of Egocentrism

Here I am again, with a longer post as promised.

Today I want to talk about something I touched upon in a prior post, a concept that is very much integral to this blog.

“In order to be there for others, you first have to be there for yourself.”

I think this is something we’ve all heard before, maybe even nodded at in agreement. Sure, it seems logical enough. But as many things in life, this is easier said than done.

For long years, I’ve had a tendency to view myself as the exception in many things, most of all this rule. In my mind, I was going to feel better if only I made others feel good first.

Which obviously didn’t work out well.

I ended up being unbalanced and stressed out, which meant I was forced by my own body to stop being there for others, which in turn stressed me even more.

It was a vicious cycle accompanied by guilt and utter tiredness.

But in the last days, I’ve witnessed hard proof that starting to take care of myself was the right choice.

I was invited to a friend’s birthday, whom I hadn’t seen in months. She lives a few hours away from me, so we don’t get to meet too often, but we maintain a good connection over text messages. Or at least we used to. During the last months, as my mental health deteriorated, so did my ability to deal with other people’s lives as well as my own. Messages were left unread for days, audios unheard. I felt terrible for doing it, and yet I simply didn’t have the energy.

And then, the better I got — little by little — the more frequently I answered her messages. The more I could find comforting words and well-meant advice. And when I stood in her living room yesterday, in the midst of her closest friends in town — strangers to me — it hit me that I was strong enough to not have a breakdown over meeting new people, travelling across the country, having to be socially active.

And that was unimaginable a couple months ago.

For me, I realised that this was proof. I was doing better. Making progress. And all by betraying my instincts and putting myself first. Only after that could I interact properly with those I value so much.

This is just a personal story, but I think it gives authenticity to my demand to you:
Take your mental health seriously. It goes a long way, even if it doesn’t feel good at first.

You just gotta get up one day and decide you want to change. It’s baby steps from there.

Peace out,
Emilia