A Hope In Hell

Big day today.

I got some meds, whohoo.

It was quite a piece of work. My doctor was relatively reluctant to give them to me, which is understandable because it’s no easy decision.

But I have hope that these might help me. So I can finally be okay again, REALLY okay. Not anxiously awaiting the next moment of spiralling despair, when I want to push everyone away and jump out of some window.

And don’t get me wrong, I’m also fucking nervous about the side effects and general effectiveness, and still…this is a step. In a direction. Hopefully it’s the right one, but we’ll see. I have a great support network, should anything go wrong.

In all seriousness, though. All I want to do is be able to fully enjoy my relationship, without all these excessive worries and the guilt and the stress, all of which I keep putting on myself for no reason. Of course, there’s always gonna be less happy moments, but these last months have been…too much.

So maybe this’ll end soon.

The medication will take a bit to take effect, but I’ll update you.

Good luck to myself this time.

Peace out,
Emilia