Teun

@teunvanson

Writing is hard. #100days

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25.

Sometimes I'm aware throughout the whole day that I have to write and then I forget, and sometimes I don't think about it in the slightest. Yesterday I didn't think about it in the slightest. I don't feel too bad about it though. I'm doing this for myself, and there's no point in making myself feel bad about missing a day. I think. Of course routine is good and stuff. But I already have routines in meditation and yoga, and this writing is yet another thing I want to do every day. Of course I'm happy when I manage to do all these things (like today, yay!), but I don't beat myself up over missing a day. I do these things not because I like forcing myself into a routine, but because these things make me feel good. Meditation ground me to my state of mind, and it it calms me. I'm actually really bad at putting into words what meditation does and how it helps for me, but it really does. Also, missing one or multiple days becomes really noticeable when I go back to meditating, I feel like I have to scrape a layer of stuff off of my mind before I can get into it. All the impressions I collect throughout the day seem to collect onto my mind, and meditation is my way of scrubbing it off and harmonizing me with myself. There, that's a half-decent way of describing it. Yoga, then, is nice because it's sports (more or less, depending on the day), and it's sports that I don't hate, which is rare. It also makes me feel better in my body, and it's a way of "waking up" my body so that I feel more energetic throughout the rest of the day. I also notice that it improves my posture, and it makes me more aware of how I carry myself, which muscles I use when, et cetera.

Then this writing, why do I even do it? I'm not so sure. But I do know that I'm happy I'm doing it. I feel quite good about writing these things every day. As I've said many times before, I don't think that these things are particularly good, and that's not the goal. But even on the days that I don't feel like writing, I end up writing something that I'm glad I wrote down. Just like I'm now glad that I have that anxious note from four years ago, I'm already glad that I have these writings, as a digital time capsule, a way into my mind in 2020.


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