i am doing the most valuable work i can do

i reaffirm (today) that in taking photos of my world (and by formerly writing books) and by writing on my blog

that i am doing the most valuable work i can do

i dont work a job now (am on disability due to tardive dystonia) and sometimes my mind goes to finding work (a job job) even though physically i wouldnt be able to work most jobs—i still want more money—and i get pressure from (the world) to be productive and produce value and all those rote messages

but when i think of doing work (maybe programming) i immediately think i quit doing that for a reason—when working in a company i am unable to contribute to the world in the way i do now

i declare (i state—i make it so) that my photography and my writing are enough—they are the most that i can give—to seek work for someone else would be a step down for (or a waste of) my life

im 44—i make minimum wage for being disabled—this is enough for me to live write photograph—if i were to somehow work a minimum wage job (it would be a waste)—if i were to work a programming job (it would be a waste because theres no way i would be doing work that is as important as my writing)

capitalists take note—i fly in the face of what you value and implicitly declare your thinking wrong—if i did what you wanted id be spending my time doing things less valuable than what i do now—i vow to spend the rest of my life taking from disability and using that value to fill the world with my art

i do this with disregard to ridiculous measures of value that would have me wasting my time with useless (work)

i do this without guilt

i do this with the knowledge of sacrifices i make to live on minimum wage

i do this with knowledge of societys judgments of me (for being disabled) (for taking money to help me !!) and i eschew those who work against me

i do this aware that my dad is a work addict and he filled my head with idiocy about productivity and work ethic and many of the messages he accepts without thinking

i am not that way

i believe in hard work (obviously) but im not controlled by my devotion to work

my relationships come first (before work)

my devotion is not paid to bosses

my time is no longer wasted by managers

i am my boss—i am the only one qualified to manage me (and this has always been the case—even when i worked for other people)

i take a path of decreased security and decreased control by doing this—im ok with that—my web stuff is set up so that i dont pay for the hosting (so that if i suddenly dont have any money my stuff wont go away)—my offline stuff isnt as secure (if i suddenly have no money we will have to find a new place to live)

im ok with these risks because im doing the most valuable work i can

to use the logic from a previous post i consider whether i want this action to echo throughout eternity—imagine the situation where (an artist goes back to work as a programmer)—imagine the situation where (an artist spends another couple decades continuing with his art)—those arent the only two choices to consider but consider which of those two i would rather hear echo through eternity

getting tardive dystonia was not a choice—not looking at all for work is also a choice

i make that choice here because the work i am doing has more value than any work i could do for someone else

so thats what ill continue doing