what is really mine—what cannot be taken from me ??

lets say i was imprisoned—lets say someone threatens my life

what can i not lose in that situation ?? what is mine that cannot be taken away from me ??

the way i move my body

cannot be taken from me (until it is)

but the activation of my nervous system (that is mine) the movement of my fingertips (that is mine) the movement of my tongue in my mouth—the movement of my eyes within their sockets—all these things are mine

my breath is mine

the way i move my mind (is mine)

it cannot be taken away from me (until it is)

my thoughts are (mostly) mine

my attitude

my focus

my surrender

my joy

my hope

the way i interpret my experience

these are all mine no matter what you do to me (until i die)

some of these things are available to me even if im paralyzed

even if im locked in (my body—locked in prison) these things are still mine

no one can take them away

to worry about losing anything else is for fools

im releasing my books under the bsd 2-clause (simplified) license

this means you can do whatever the fuck you want with them

(except sue me)

enjoy !!


doing something you value versus doing something others value

imagine two worlds

world 1

  • you do things because you feel theyre valuable
  • you spend your life doing things that matter to you

world 2

  • you do things that others feel are valuable (because they give you an imaginary number in return)
  • you spend that number making others do things that you feel are valuable
  • you spend your whole life doing things that dont matter to you—and making others do things for you that dont matter to them
  • some people accumulate (in tall stacks) the imaginary number and never spend it on anyone—while most people have so little of the number that they cannot live

(there is overlap between these two worlds to the degree that people getting paid are also doing something they value—but consider that often in world 2 people are not doing what they value—and in world 2 peoples work is not specifically defined to be something they value)

so—which world do you want to live in ??

we know what economy emerges from the rules of world 2 (were living it) what economy would emerge from the rules of world 1 ??

(i dont know—but dont you want to try ??)

see (to me) the only reason you should ever do something is because you want to—any other reason and you subvert your values and end up self-sabotaging (either that or its slavery)

you start out with inklings—then you get a desire—about what you want to do in your life

you do what you want to do and thats how you become able to do—i want my economy full of people who are amazingly good at doing what they love—and doing it !! (not like the economy in the world 2 i am currently experiencing)

what follows are rules for an economy

this isnt a legal system or an educational system—its an economic system—a system that describes the wealth of a people (intellectual physical emotional—anything we value)

societys rules should be very few and very short (nothing like our many many laws !!) everyone should know all the rules and be able to remember them easily

here they are

  • do what you love (what has value for you)
  • do your best (you always are)
  • give it for free (give your all—hold nothing back)
  • tolerate others for doing these four things (you dont have to like them—you have to tolerate them)

the above economic system is defined without money or numbers of any kind—no buying or selling—no trading (only giving) no taxes records or identity information—and because it doesnt mention those things means that they dont exist in systems of this type

(doing things you love for free (not accepting money) is they key for individuals to unravel the world 2 economy into a world 1 economy—this is something everyone can do (without anyones permission) that will naturally unravel economy 2)

tolerance is a rule for this system—you have to tolerate people doing what they think is valuable—tolerate them doing their best—you have to tolerate them doing it for free—and you have to tolerate them tolerating others

i cant read the future—i havent simulated or otherwise studied these models

i am saying that inherently i like the setup of world 1 better than world 2 and i am endeavoring to live (and love) by its rules

dont follow your aesthetics in order to reach something aesthetic—follow your process

lets say your goal is to find something pretty

you have to have a method for doing this

it might be your willy-nilly method

it might be that you look out the window as you drive

it might be that you feel whats pretty and intuitively move toward prettier things

one thing that happens with aesthetic-heavy methods for finding aesthetically pleasing things—is that you can get stuck in wells of uselessness where your method cant find the unexpected things you want to find

this is when its useful to follow a process that has nothing to do with aesthetics

like turning your camera over because your hand was uncomfortable

or always taking both a landscape and a portrait mode photo

your process might include looking under the table at every diner you eat at

or taking a picture of every toilet you see

(not just the good-looking ones)

if you follow a process like that—youre inviting creative input from somewhere you dont control and it can surprise you

which is good !! you want to be surprised

because if youre not surprised—that means you only found good-looking things that look good like you like them to look good

when you go out looking for something pretty—dont do it by looking for something pretty

do it with a mix of opinions—yours—and those presented to you by the process you follow

you might discover something by process that you wouldnt by aesthetics alone

to see the world like a photograph—like how we read the news

my mate and i settled on doing this a while back

as we see the world—our world—my mates childrens and grandchildrens worlds

to not develop opinions or judgments

at all

but to see the world like a photograph—or to see the world like the news is supposed to see (just the facts)

to perceive it and not judge it

i find a contrast between writing and photography this way

writing can be perceiving and not judging (it can be somewhat like a photograph) but i find the selection of points of view in writing to be more complex than the selection of points of view in photography

and because of this its easier (for me) to be non-judging when photographing than it is (for me) when writing

so were choosing to see life like a photograph—like the news (is supposed to be)

this makes for less turmoil

less argument

and simpler discussions

if you follow a rule—only follow it 3/4 of the time

if your rule is to date blondes—thats fine—just date non-blondes 1/4 of the time

if your rule is to not be annoying—thats fine—just let yourself be annoying 1/4 of the time

if your rule is to make (good art) thats fine—just allow yourself to make (bad art) once in a while

1/4 is a maximum—if you can subvert your rule 1/4 of the time then do it—if not then subvert is as much as you can (up to 1/4)

enjoy putting the disorder back into your life !!

carpal tunnel (or today i put away the keyboard)

today i put the old-school keyboard in the closet

im not programming right now—im not writing anymore books (and if i do i will write them on my phone)

years of typing with the old-school keys exacerbates what is probably carpal tunnel syndrome

my phones on-screen keyboard is not good—but is better—for my wrists and forearms

in each moment i try to

1—treat myself well

if that’s going well then i try to

2—treat others well

if those are both going well then i try to

3—create and share

i am happy with every moment in which i follow this procedure

if that sounds like a programmer telling you how he gets happy—thats because i am a programmer and i am telling you that

i suggest you set your world on fire

the shape of what you want

before an earthquake animals run around more than usual—maybe theyre excited—maybe theyre scared—but somehow these animals know that an earthquake is going to happen

before it happens

can they predict the future ?? probably not

theyre just extra sensitive and can feel the rumblings (or signs) of the earthquake before it happens

they can in a sense feel it before it happens

but of course theyre really only sensing the earthquake before we do

those animals scurrying are an early warning of the event (like the coal mine canary) of the earthquake or the seeping of deadly gasses into the mine

those events have a shape in time and space

the earthquake event has a dense point (when the quake happens to us) thats the point where you wake up in bed because the house is shaking

but it also has sparse points (lighter—before the shaking) and this is what the animals hear

we use them as a predictor but theyre not strictly predicting—theyre sensing! (theyre just extra sensitive)

so what about wanting ??

when i want something i get a shining silvery feeling creeping round the edges of my stomach—its exciting—i feel creative and lustful and sometimes i develop more and more feelings about this thing i want—and maybe i get it! maybe it happens—or maybe the want fades and i let the object of my desire go away away away

this want (i think) is like the birds and the deer fluttering around before an earthquake—and the earthquake (in this analogy) is the object of my desire

what im saying is that just as the scurrying deer are not predicting the earthquake—my desire is not a predictor of my someday getting what i want

we think of desire as a motivator—in some cases its the cause of our getting what we want

but what im saying is that we developed the concepts of prediction and motivation to make sense of not understanding the shape of things

the shape of earthquakes and other objects

objects of our desire !!

when you want something that doesnt mean youre going to get it (so wanting something alone isnt an indicator that your desire is on the edge of your desire object—just as a deer scurrying around the forest doesnt indicate an earthquake)

there are wants that (lead) to obtaining desires and wants that dont—scurrrying that (leads) to an earthquake and scurrying that doesnt

but of course my wants dont cause me to obtain what i desire any more than the scurrying in the forest leads to the earthquake !!

its impossible for us to 100% distinguish between types of scurrying that is part of an impending earthquake and types that are not—impossible also to tell whether a persons want will lead to the event they desire

but as time progresses

the deer knows

and as time progresses and a persons desired event approaches

the person knows too

but not because their desire predicts their future

and not because their desire causes their future

but because their desire lies on the edge of an event that approaches through time

that twinge in your stomach

that excitement

that desire

its not just you wanting something—its that sometimes wanting something is a feeling that lies on the edges of eventually getting it

if i want it to stop—i have to stop picking at it

it i want it to stop forever—i have to stop picking at it forever

its not my sole responsibility to manage closeness—to ensure connectedness or health of the relationship (with people of any age)

it doesnt matter what people close to me think of me—they are their own engines (their own entities) and it makes no difference if they like me or kick me out of their house

other peoples beliefs are their own—we are all in a world of ghosts and no one knows which way is up—if they say they do (theyre lying)

dont imagine conversations with people (dont imagine what theyre going to say) to do so is useful to some people but for me its a distraction—trust that i will have the wherewithal to act when the time comes

remember that a man distracted is a man defeated (mamet) recognize distraction in all its forms—return to center when i find myself distracted (and dont want to be !!)

i am distracted by no one


never say anything extra

(dont explain—dont defend—dont apologize—dont append—dont add)

dont help people down the path—walk my own path

(thats all you get here—walking beside someone—you dont get to see/be the insides of someone else)

embrace who i am—dont ever discount myself for (my weaknesses) my weakness comes with strength—and the greater the weakness the greater the magnitude of strength that is possible (i am theorizing)

relish being misunderstood—if you were always understood that would mean you were saying nothing of consequence

dont ever explain yourself (or describe yourself) whats the use ?? people dont need explanations—they already understand as well as they can

give up

let things fall apart

and when they do—dont feel bad about it for long !!

that is the recipe for sanity (the serenity prayer) do what you can—forget the rest

say these things

im through talking


i dont feel listened to

dont feel bad about anything (for long) you either did it on purpose or or you did it accidentally—either way feeling bad for long wont help anyone (adjust and move on) (you cant change the past—change the future)

even the facts you tell people can hurt them—be careful what you say (that something is the truth does not alone justify saying it)

really listen to this—dont just go around telling people things i think are true—i often know more than the other person does in conversation but that doesnt mean that i should say what i think—give people a break from my reality (and take a break from theirs)

dont adjust too much for other people—otherwise you wont be yourself

~dont get caught up in trying to make the world better—simply do not make it worse~

the proof is in the pudding—dont listen to anyone who doubts me (in accomplishment) such a person quite literally has no idea what they’re talking about

and finally

do not throw your pearls before swine (thank you jesus !!) yeah—dont bother seeking the reactions of pigs

i went on a spiritual journey—met god—and god said i dont have to go on any more spiritual journeys

scratched your screen ?? fuck it—its the apocalypse

if theres not going to be any action coming out of talk

then theres not any reason to talk

i (pretty much) think that the only reason to learn a lesson is if youre going to do something with it

but i definitely think that a bunch of theoretical talk which is not designed to produce some action

is a waste of breath

whose world is ending ??

people always talk about the end of the world

we posit our lives in its reference

but whose world is ending ??

the worlds world ??


the world is fine (or will be again)

the only world that is really ending (for sure) is mine

the writer of this fragment—the reader of this fragment

were obsessed with the total destruction of the planet !! (yeah—awesome or yeah—terrible)

or maybe were obsessed with the end of financial or cultural worlds (that markets will crash or morals will be so flimsy theyll have to be held together by the government)

we think change in other people will be the end of our world

when the world that is ending that is most important to us (each of our personal physical existences) we hardly talk about at all

or think about at all (compared to that relatively distant large world) we fill our minds with via the news


our bodies are ending

the minds within them are ending

why focus on a world we cant control—whose end we cannot comprehend ??

why not focus instead on a world (that matters much to most of us) whose end we also cannot comprehend (but we do know is going to end relatively quite soon) ??

isnt that the world end that might make a shit of difference to you ??

rather than the nebulous (end of the world) ??

its difficult to be around small-town people

the flip side to living in this place i love

is that its also a place i hate

this town of 1000 people—full of nature—friendly people at the grocery store—it has a river we can walk to and take pictures of—we can ride our bikes—we can drive to nearby places

is also a town of election deniers—vaccine deniers—small-town mentality

which i hate (or i cant stand)

its a place where my baby asked me recently if i would take her to breakfast at a certain restaurant

and i said no cause i cant stand the t***p talk in that place

i cant

i cant (some days) bring myself to eat in that restaurant—where patrons shout between tables deadbeat-hopeful phrases like i heard hes gonna do something—hoping t***p will run again (this president i had pegged far before he ever ran for president) it irks me to listen to (ignorant people) shouting ignorant things while im trying to eat my breakfast—these ignorant fools sitting in our diner listening to t***p podcasts on speakerphone—fuck you

but why am i like this ??

why cant i be invisible here ??

why do i ever speak my mind to anyone outside my gf ?? (i hardly do)

but why dont i just make every edge smooth ?? why dont i exist completely in my head—smile at people and nod and ignore and forget once i walk away ?? live inside my head and inside my house and just put on a pretty face for everyone

(i do that as much as possible)

i relish when we go to vestal to dennys—because the conversation of our fellow diners is that of normal (non-radicalized not-steeped-in-ignorance type of people)

that should tell me something

i need to get out of this town as often as possible (we do pretty much every day)

i might do better living in a more civilized (less backward) place with frankly less backward people

or maybe i can just live here and ignore them