its difficult to be around small-town people

the flip side to living in this place i love

is that its also a place i hate

this town of 1000 people—full of nature—friendly people at the grocery store—it has a river we can walk to and take pictures of—we can ride our bikes—we can drive to nearby places

is also a town of election deniers—vaccine deniers—small-town mentality

which i hate (or i cant stand)

its a place where my baby asked me recently if i would take her to breakfast at a certain restaurant

and i said no cause i cant stand the t***p talk in that place

i cant

i cant (some days) bring myself to eat in that restaurant—where patrons shout between tables deadbeat-hopeful phrases like i heard hes gonna do something—hoping t***p will run again (this president i had pegged far before he ever ran for president) it irks me to listen to (ignorant people) shouting ignorant things while im trying to eat my breakfast—these ignorant fools sitting in our diner listening to t***p podcasts on speakerphone—fuck you

but why am i like this ??

why cant i be invisible here ??

why do i ever speak my mind to anyone outside my gf ?? (i hardly do)

but why dont i just make every edge smooth ?? why dont i exist completely in my head—smile at people and nod and ignore and forget once i walk away ?? live inside my head and inside my house and just put on a pretty face for everyone

(i do that as much as possible)

i relish when we go to vestal to dennys—because the conversation of our fellow diners is that of normal (non-radicalized not-steeped-in-ignorance type of people)

that should tell me something

i need to get out of this town as often as possible (we do pretty much every day)

i might do better living in a more civilized (less backward) place with frankly less backward people

or maybe i can just live here and ignore them