Monday, Apr 8, 2024 at 4:28 PM

I guess I truly am broken, which is why I need a break. But how can I take a break if I don't allow myself to take a break? How, if so many people are dependt on me? How, if things fall apart if I don't tend to them?

I guess I'm broken in more ways than one. We probably all are, but knowledge of that is not consolation. That's the thing about the mind: it can know things, and still be helpless.

I know, intellectually, what my problem is and what I would need to do to solve it. And yet I can't bring myself to do it. I can't seem to break my patterns. I'm unable to follow my own advice.

The mind is a terrible master, as others have noted before me. "That's why most people shoot themselves in the head." He was on to something. He didn't shoot himself in the head though. He hung himself. All his wisdom, all his words, his great intellect; nothing saved him. He couldn't stand the terrible master anymore. He forgot that this is water. This is water. This is water. I guess I'll have to read Infinite Jest one day.