Day 2

you can call this day two but i'm going call it just day few.
there's only so many hours in a day that whenever i begin to contemplate the moments i get lost in all the unnecessary details. what really matters? really.
we human beings are an interesting species. and i'm no different, though i find myself rather boring, i find other people fascinating. mostly because i always try to find out what experiences, and their interpretations, led them to those moments where we interact and exchange energy.
that's really what human beings do. they exchange their personal energy with each other. we share bits and pieces of ourselves with others to try to connect, discover and have fun. at least that's what i think we do.

life seems rather funny, in the sense that there seems to be a recurring theme that mostly everything we do doesn't really matter. i spent the better part of today gardening, putting up outdoor LED lights, watering our small garden, and washing our laundry. i only did these things because they needed to be done. after putting up the outdoor lights, we are a bit safer from the onslaught of bugs, skunks and other creatures that might like to head over to our place because of the natural darkness of living in the mountain forest. our dog, her dog really, but my adopted son, got sprayed by a skunk last week because the skunk decided to come strolling through our front yard. for a wild animal to get that comfortable around a human, it needs to hungry, curious, or comfortable. we think this one got comfortable and came to eat our cats food. but now with lights outdoors, most creatures will stay away.
gardening forces me to put the care of mother nature first. and there's a very surreal sense of satisfaction watching once dying plants come alive with deep green leaves and beautiful fragrant flowers. no wonder human beings began domesticating plants such a long time ago. at least that's the way it seems.
and as far as the laundry, well i only did it to avoid yesterday's fiasco of multiple loads and dryer cycles.
these activities took a major portion of the day. i could have not done them. but then i wouldn't have contributed to lessening the entropy of our little mountain home.

and that's really what it seems like i'm doing most of time. i'm trying to lessen the flow of entropy into the surrounding systems i am a living, breathing, active part of, and hopefully one day, i'll be an active participant in life actually creating synergy in the systems of interaction i live in. reality, in whatever shape, form, or matter it takes, is reality. all i can really do is my best to lessen the entropy i encounter and witness, and put in more love.

so this morning i began with a run with our dog. she doesn't like to run. in fact, i think she hates it. and hate is a strong word i don't like to use because it speaks in absolutes and life is anything but an absolute. but i love running. i always have. again i speak in absolutes but i really mean generally i enjoy running. and it's not because i'm good at it (i am), but it's because it feels so natural to do.

i've put on about fifteen pounds of muscle, this past year, give or take a few for fat, and now that i'm a bit bigger, my body needs to really retrain itself in handling itself with this excess weight. so i run with her dog. our dog. i am consciously trying to remember that. he's ours.
but really i'm just reminded at how much i miss my dogs. they're living with my parents right now until i get fencing around our property. i miss them because they are the only reason i am still alive and mentally well right now. what do i mean by that?

i meant that exactly one year ago, and the years before that, i was not in this calm, grateful, and thankful state of being. in fact, i was far from it. i was living, if you can call it that, i was hating my own existence, and finding fault with everything and everyone. this, predictably, was not a fun, nor joyous state of mind to live from. i was consciously alive sure, but inside i felt dead.

but running, and my dogs, changed all that. all it took was making the decision to commit to walking them everyday to the best of my ability. that's it. and i miss them. i miss that. i feel guilty that they are not getting the exercise and socializing that i was trying to provide. dogs, like most animals, don't need to learn how to be themselves. but we humans seem to have forgotten that. how to be ourselves. maybe it's because our cognitive faculties are overdeveloped to the point that we believe the primal and instinctual natures of our being are just that, ancient and primitive, and a more savage, unrefined way to live.

but if anything, that is exactly the kind of thinking that keeps us human beings locked into these cyclical belief systems to only reenforce separation from nature, others, and our environment. when the funny thing about life is, we are all part of life. there is no separation or distinction between us or them. only in the realm of language. do we all have our own unique, quirky and silly identities? sure we do. that is what makes each one of us special.
but does that serve as a reason for our seemingly superior intellect and shitty attitudes towards life and all its creatures?

no. not at all. if anything, knowing we are but one of many many and many forms of consciousness in many many differing stages serves as a reminder that we are all special and not special in the same way all the cells in your body are special but not. each serves a function but if it fails and dies then not a big deal but if a group of them fail and die, or worse, start abusing and mistreating the others what do you call that?

cancer. and a dangerous version of it because it doesn't know it's killing the host which it depends on to survive.

so that's day two. i spent a huge amount of my time doing seemingly mundane tasks. but i did them with the spirit of bringing order to the ever present entropy of life. and i feel good. but i still miss my dogs. they're the ones who taught me about how to live, and why to live. hopefully by the end of this 100 days challenge they'll be back in my life, and we'll be running hills, swimming in rivers, and playing fetch in no time, exchanging loving energy and respect, and enjoying this tiny slice of my reality that i call home.

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