Review: Feb 2, 2017: 45 RPM VaporMix

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In the words of Steely Dan, where the hell am I? This shouldn't exist. I stopped hitting the decks in 2011, save some Nightfly-FM before graduation. 2015. So, what was I doing in 2017, mixing 80s pop-dance 12" 45s at 33 and slapping a "Vapor" label on it? My MacPlus phase was done in 2014, I found City Pop and it was all over. Where did I even set all this up in my Brooklyn apartment?

Let's peel the onion. Layer 1: It's 2026. Vaporwave died... when? But here we are again. And "Feb 2" doesn't even have the intentionality of True Vapor, the looped slice crushed under effects. This is authentic vintage analog Vaporcore, how they would have done it in 1987 if they were trying to parody themselves. I'm confident DJs back then were playing records at the wrong speed for fun; I heard it on a Goa Trance mix once (no wait, I was thinking of this, don't worry about it, but if you do, know that cassette is the correct fidelity). But this degree of commitment, what's the point? You can't dance to this stuff; bass too low frequency. Or sing, maybe. The vocals are inhuman.

There is something cool, or even cold here. It's cold because it's Technology. Unfamiliar. Closest you'd get to taking this seriously is Shadowfax on Windham Hill; not exactly Cool for the SAW-Set. The artificiality bubbles close to the surface, stereo pans, purring synth pads, FM bells hitting crass overtones, no longer "ding!" but "DONG" of an unreal geometry. Slick reverse samples become Musique Concrète, mechno-groove MIDI shuffle becomes errant tumbles, Linndrum cranking away.

The first few mixes, I flubbed it, it's hard to beatmatch at such low tempos. You need fast feedback, mixing is a cybernetic homeostasis system consisting of two records on two turntables, two hands, two ears, and a fader. I caught the vibe eventually, more slam-cross hiphop radio but nobody's on the floor so who cares anyway. Main goal is don't fuck it up too bad.

And the groove deepens mid-mix. You really sink into something. Tracklist is gone, and Can Shazam Even? at 33? so I can't get you timestamps. But I swear there is a place inside this mix, a there there. The studio tricks that fly by on FM seem to blossom at 33? The pop still works in slow motion. In some ways, better? The tension holds a bit longer, a little more air between chords. More air in general. Space between notes and beats. Plus the hypnotic effect. Energy shift from walking to... crawling? Some non-anthropocentric motion, or perhaps merely geriatric. And when those big jazzy lush DX7 1980s digital quantized 33 RPM ultraslow synth pads hit... throw that into Suno and see what you get (note: "lush pads" is an internal Suno org joke prompt, says my Contact).

As you're falling asleep, I will sing. You. Lullaby. Chunk chunk chunk chunk. Stab. Stab. And slow fade to black, but it was already dark, so it didn't move much. Would I recommend this mix? Sure, why not. Would I recommend my 2014 Vaporwave album? No chance. I like the idea of the mix and I like the textures that came out of it, more than "real" Vaporwave, because unlike critique, what I made was pointless, authentic to nothing, there's no sleight-of-hand, it's just something from 2017 for which I have zero explanation. Fresh handmade simulacra, analog style. Don't see that too often these days!