Workplace relationship policy
September 27, 2021•1,118 words
Refactor this into "informal/lazy policies: what they really mean and what responsible policies that ACTUALLY address those concerns look like"
Philosophy
"The idea that people shouldn't date is just unrealistic," says Umeko [ ]. "It just happens. It's uncomfortable to admit, but what do we do when that happens?" She advises people to avoid demonizing relationships and reacting punitively. "You have to remain curious and open instead of making assumptions based on fear, and you have to know exactly what you're afraid of and create policy based on preventing those specific outcomes."
"Jasper has experienced harmful policies that tried to prevent relationships in the workplace; when successfuly, they often caused damage."
- If locations are far apart, there was tension when couples didn't have enough resources to disclose the relationship to management. They had to keep quiet about it, because neither could afford to move stores... This dragged down morale, especially when other coworkers knew and had to keep the secret as well.
- When relationships do take off... they usually lead to the termination or exit of one partner. This is often damaging because the partner who is terminated is usually the partner with lower pay or lower rank in the company; because of traditional pay and title gaps, that person is often the female partner in a heterosexual relationship, the non-white partner in a mixed-race relationship, or the transgender partner in a relationship with a cisgender person. These factors make it all the more important to think critically about what outcomes companies seek to prevent in making rules that bar relationships rather than specific points of conduct.
No policy vs written and enforced policy
- No policy
- Unspoken mores
- Unwritten rules
- Addressing case-by-case
- Creating one once you have a problem
- Enforced policy
- Preventing negative impact
- No special treatment: no shared vacations, similar schedules, no accomodation in case of breakup
- No dating within specific structures: no managing your partner, no sharing shifts, no dating in your location/department
- No dating at all
- Facilitating positive impact
- Reasonable schedule accomodation
- Anti-discrimination rules
- On-shift conduct guides for all employees
- Transparent pay systems
- Transparent disciplinary systems
How to improve
Write something down.
Specialty Coffee Association (SCA) chief sustainability officer Kim Elena Ionescu, who met her husband in the workplace, advises businesses to create an on-paper policy even if they aren't completely sure it's the perfect one. "Put it in writing, whatever it is," she says, "You can come back to it if you want to revise it, but please formalize it and publicize it."
Policies that don't exist have no way of being managed or enforced by leadership, so they make things infinitely more diffic
ult for managers.
Romantic relationship policies are closely related to harassment policies; it's important to offer your employees a safe space where they know they will be taken seriously."
Identify what you want to prevent and what you want to foster.
If businesses want to properly prevent and address the sub-issues that stem from relationships, they need to suss out what those sub-issues are and address them directly in addition to having a relationship policy. For instance, Umeko says, if business owners and managers are concerned about public displays of affection, they should write an additional policy preventing public displays of affection; if they're afraid of people getting unfair raises or promotions, they should create policies that define when people get raises and promotions.
- Common policies and their subtext
- "You can't date your manager." This policy seeks to prevent issues of nepotism and abusive power dynamics, but because it can't address them directly, it's not effective at doing so. Make sure you have a clear system for how and why discipline is conducted, and then you'll prevent managers from leveraging power to discipline and terminate subordinates. Craft a detailed policy to hold managers accountable if their behavior becomes inappropriate, and make sure you have clear pathways for how to bring up a complaint against a manager, ideally not going through the manager themself.
These policies, though harder to craft than the shortcut of preventing hierarchical relationships altogether, will do a much better job of preventing abuses of power, not only in romantic relationships but in general. With strong policy in place, businesses can accept the fact that sometimes hierarchical relationships happen, and it's not necessarily fair to expect one party to leave the business in order to maintain the relationship -- especially because the person pushed out is usually the subordinate.
- To prevent nepotism regarding pay and promotions, clearly outline how salaries, raises and promotions are determined, then hold people accountable.
- To prevent on-shift favoritism, clearly outline roles of different positions on shift, then hold people accountable.
- "No dating within your own shop/department/shifts." These rules exist both to prevent specific workplace behaviors and to prevent scheduling complications, all of which are best addressed separately. Behavioral issues like displays of affection, laziness, inappropriate speech, and fighting are all best addressed individually, with clear outlines for how disciplinary actions proceed. Addressing these conduct issues will help prevent inappropriate conduct, both from couples who are in relationships and couples who break up.
Regarding scheduling, many businesses create rules around working in separate departments in order to make sure that partners don't ask off for time together or shared hours in ways that inconvenience the staff. This is a real concern, but again, addressing it on its own is the most effective strategy. Rules that regulate how to ask for time off, how many employees can take off time at once, and how managers determine who gets requested time off are crucial to smooth business functions in or out of relationships. Similarly, policy around schedule requests will serve employers well in the long run. As an added bonus, rules in all of these areas will help when employees work with friends, roommates or bandmates.
- "You can date, but don't expect any accomodation." This policy prevents workers from asking for shared schedules, expecting shared time off, requesting leniency for unprofessional behavior on-shift, or asking for separate schedules or transfers in the event of a breakup. This type of policy has the potential to be very effective, but it only works if you outline the specifics, which mostly guide on-shift behavior and scheduling, similarly to the policies suggested above. In general, short-hand rules like this are no substitute for real, clear systems in the long run.
references
- Barista Magazine, Feb-Mar 2018 issue, Coexisting at Work series
- Bellissimo Coffee Advisors
- Bond Street