What will you do if I go tomorrow my bro?

This question is hunting me since twenty-sixteen and I can not answer it with certitude. I have to admit, it is one of the reasons why I did not end my life. I do not want to let you down.

That day I have decided to visit a shelter and I found you, I made a promess: give you the life you deserve and not abandon you in nature, like someone did to you, your mom, brother and sister, when you were just born. Fortunately, someone found you in this cardboard box at the end of an alley.

Since that day we have met, you were always there. Whatever happened, you never left my side and only us know everything that happened since that halloween of 2010. I made a promess: take care of you and never let you down. I have tried to keep it the best I could.

We are together for mostly ten years now. It happened I left for a week or two, but we were living with roommates or places with people always in there. Sometimes, you had friends so it was more easy for you. People were also there to take care of you every day. No, your trust in them was not entirely. You were hidding all day long, getting out mostly during the night to eat and going back to your cache, hidding, waiting for me to return, wishing I will serve you your next plate. You knew I had not leave you behind, but you were not safe I was not coming back to sleep every day, as usual.

For the last three years, we have our own place and our routines. Also, I am practically at home all the time. If somebody comes here, you runaway, hidding, because you are a bit like me: you are very selective, but also wiser then me; you do not trust anybody before they have earned your trust. I should take example on you for that last one. After all, you did it with me!

So, with everything spinning in my head, the possibilities that I screw up, one way or another, without wanting it when it will happen, like it is for years now, that I can go for an appointment and never come back because I was placed in a special institution or anything that can seperate us, I wonder: what will you do if I go tomorrow my bro?

I was told by a doctor to be gratefull for at least three things each day before I go to bed. You are the first thing I am greatfull for each night before I fall asleep.

Every time I am thinking of wishing to die, you cross my mind or you appear in front of me and it is clear: I can not leave. I have to keep my promess and take care of you, give you the life you deserve, the best life I can offer to a friend like you. If I want to continue to keep that promess, I need to stay alive, I need to fight. I just do not know how anymore.

Adopting you was part of a plan. I just did not know, at the time, the plan was not exactly mine. In fact, MY PLAN was used to execute someone else's plan.

"You could have found a million of better masters, but for a friend, I could wish better". How many tie I can tell you this!

I remember when I saw you at the shelter: shy, affraid, terrified in your cage, looking at me with eyes wondering "what the fuck do you want? Why do you look at me like that? Oh! Congrats, you can transform your mouth and make it do and sound what my ass does when I poo! Don't you see I do not give a shit? I am terrified. I never wanted to come here. I want to go back home with my sister and brother! SECURITYYYY!!!".

That day you came back to my home. They putted you in my cage, we stopped by the pet shop to get all I needed for your first day in your new home and finally arrived. You were so excited to get out of the cage, but you did go back faster then you got out, less then three seconds after getting out, realising you were not in your regular home, that your brother and sister was not there waiting for you and your mom was not in another cage following yours. Actually, I did not know before a long time your mom was there, in another cage. If I knew, I would have taken her with us!

I know, if anything happen to me, my mother will take you and take good care of you, like she did the three years we were all living in that big house in the mountains. She will be there to nurrish you every day with the best food for you, but this is not what I am worried about. What will really happen to you? Will you let her skratch your back with the brush or just hitching under your chin like you let me do? Because I remember, even if she was the one giving you your first meal of the day, every morning at five o'clock, you were flying away if she was getting too close and I was not around.

It is not my intension, but with everything happening and chances that we can be separated, I wonder: what will you do if I go tomorrow my bro? I am worried.

-FBF