I don't..

..feel good right now. I feel like I have been manipulated for over a month now.

All the event from may to today are replaying in my head and I was manipulated since the day J left this world at the vet.

From that day, my mom knew I would never let her put S to sleep for good for any reason.

So she played the game for a while.

This morning, at 5:30am, when she asked me to go at the vet with S, I had no choice then to take S with me or she was dying during the day; it was the ultimatum.

I see also that awful image: me, trying to grab S in my arms, her frightened and struggles, fighthing to be free, explaining to her that if she does not come with me right now, she will be dead before sunset.

I was crying this morning, writing the lines.. and I still feel very sad, writing these. I just can not believe what happened today. I can not believe I have heard an excuse based on vacations to "finally" kill a cat. When you re at this point in your life, you have a problem.

It was a long day, in which the time did go fast. I am totally disconnected.

Oh, and by the way: S is hidding in my wardrobe right now, but she did not pee or poop anywhere yet. The only thing she is waiting for is her master, that left her behind thid morning.

-FBF