A Brethren help for a broken marriage

It is a shame we have broken homes. The hopes, dreams, vision, and desires of a home that starts is soon torn apart and leaves all involved shattered and feeling hopeless. If the destruction is super serious, even after the event, one or all of the individuals will feel as though they are completely destroyed and leveled to nothing. This position is sad, and the pain is real. It is not without hope.

A broken home is never a good thing, and we Brethren cry with you. There are many nuances to why a broken home occurs, which ultimately leads to the destruction of the purpose of the home. We Brethren recognize that marriage is beyond just a piece of paper and the government, and pictures the love of Jesus to the church (Ephesians 5:22-32). Is there hope for a broken home? Yes. But it takes work, and requires sacrifice. Not just from one, but everyone involved. How can we, as Brethren, give advice to help bring a home back to a healthy place? This post is not going to answer every question. It is meant to be only a starting point.

First, there must be repentance from all involved. The husband, wife or both must recognize the role they played in the destruction of the marriage. Satan can and will use one or both to destroy the marriage to eliminate the picture of Jesus and the church. With over a 50% divorce rate, he has been very successful. Some argue that divorce is dropping. That is correct. But so are marriages. Jesus did not intend for a man and a woman to live together. Therefore, the first step must always begin with recognizing the sin and faults that led to the destruction of the marriage and confess them to each other and God.

Second, each one should consider the severity and depth of the damage. Some marriages are more damaged than others. The ones that need slight correction can do so by the next several steps, OR the more damaged ones can do self healing. It will require absolute resolution by both to do so. Anything less, the work will fail. It is advised in this most destroyed marriage, the couple should seek professional help through their local church, or a Christian counselor recommended by the local church. Be cautious of secular counselors. What is needed is more than humanism can offer.

Third, search the Bible to see what the Bible says marriage is, and is not. Before any healing can occur, a true foundation must be established. Without this, the marriage will fall back to brokenness. The Bible tells us everything that marriage is. The world has twisted marriage to make it whatever they want. Marriage, by a Biblical definition, is one man, one woman, under the covenant marriage between themselves and God, for life. Are there allowances for divorce? Yes, but they are extremely narrow.

Fourth, if there is the willingness and the devotion to working out the marriage, then God given rolls for husband and wives must be recognized. Understand and work out what a husband and wife roles are in the home and marriage. There are many great books to help, and one of them is written by Harold S. Martin titled, Marriage, Family and the Christian Home. Other good books are His Needs Her Needs, Love Busters, Love and Respect, and the Five Love Languages. The last four are not from a Brethren perspective, but are very good. These books teach hard but powerful lessons and husbands and wives must be willing to listen to their guidance as long as it follows the Bible. There are many things that can be said, but this should be a good start.

Fifth, the couple should desire to be in a local church body. A church that teaches the whole word of God, and not shying away from the hard texts. There are many good churches, but you want to look for one that believes in the inspiration and preservation of the Bible. Another post will be given on what to look for when looking for a church. It is when the couple is united with a local church such as this, they will have a resource that is powerful. The church can come alongside the hurting couple to work with them, walk with them, counsel them, instruct them, and correct and encourage them when one or both step out of line. This provides the structure needed to build the home.

Sixth, and most importantly, both husband and wife must be saved. None of the help given here will amount to anything unless there is salvation. A home built on nothing but philosophical renderings, and self help awareness meetings, is built on a foundation of sand. Only in Jesus Christ is there any hope of saving and having a home that will weather the storms of life with joy, peace, and hope. Yes, the world may be able to handle what life throws at them, but majority do not. The ones that do are seriously damaged and will fall apart if pushed too far. A Christian home, where the foundation is Jesus, will survive even the greatest of onslaughts.

Dear reader. It will take hard work, time, patience, and energy to salvage a broken marriage. It can be done. Only through Jesus can there be a hope of restoring the marriage but there is one more thing to consider. If one or both are not saved, the risk may be to run to Jesus as a "fix" for the issues in the home. This is a false narrative, and will do little to nothing to solve the problem in the first place. Jesus does not play second fiddle to anyone, nor is He a quick help in times of trouble. There must be a true and sincere heart in seeking, surrendering, and following after Jesus.

These points here may or may not fix all, nor are they intended to be considered the answer to all the problems. They will, however, give a good foundation from where healing can start.