#7 Not-publishing yesterday was an act of kindness to myself

Yesterday was a full day.

I went for a hike with my boyfriend in the morning, carrying the intention to speak about the status of our relationship and living status. Then met up with a friend I haven't seen in months, before joining a bigger group of friends spending Galentine's Day together drinking bubbles in the sunshine.

I arrived home tired - both physically and emotionally, and dissolved myself into the couch. It wasn't until I climbed into bed that I realised I hadn't published here, and unlike Friday where I quickly found an old piece of writing from my reserves, I decided that the kinder option was to just acknowledge that the day had been a hard one and that was enough.

Relationships are hard. Having a boyfriend in a state of burnout-depression makes it even harder.

I feel like I've been through the wringer lately as I learnt to untangle my own needs being unmet, from the support I so long to provide him during this time. I've been reading Transcend: The new science of self-actualization by Scott Barry Kauffman and realise that it's quite possible that he has an avoidant-attachment style while I have an anxious-attachment style. Under stress especially, we're not really meeting one another in the middle. I think with time and space we can both learn to grow through this.

If one thing is sure from the month that we've been living apart now, he's the one I want to be with in any shape or form that will get us through this trying time. I'm grateful to be exploring this with a psychologist so that I can find a way to navigate this with integrity.