December 31, 2018•286 words
Why not start off bold this time?
I'm hoping to fuck my boyfriend, Adrian, tonight. But it might not happen because his family will be home so wether or not I can stay over is still up in the air. I stayed over 2 nights ago and did not make a good impression. We arrived very drunk and had very drunk sex in his basement (which is his room) and I'd be surprised if they didn't hear us.
I'll give you some parameters on Adrian and I's relationship:
- We met in 7th grade when we were both 12
- We have been inseparable best friends ever since
- We starting a sexual relationship about two years ago when we were around 16
- I finally caved and said yes to dating him 3 months ago
- He wants to marry me
- I want to break up with him eventually
I should mention I'm aromantic. I hate labels but that best describes my feelings. Imagine that there's a warm, fuzzy wire in everyone's brain that allows their romantic feelings to flow from their heart to their conscious. It feels as though someone has cut mine. I've never had a crush, felt butterflies or loved the way everyone describes love. And it's never bothered me either.
I find it so difficult to explain this, because everyone then assumes that I can't feel love. I do! I love Adrian, just not in the same way he loves me.
I do feel lust like everyone else does. Unfortunately, Adrian longs for love over lust. It's complicated. Sometimes I feel like I pretend love to get lust, and then he pretends lust to get love... If that makes sense.