Schema Group: Different views

This weeks group. I was ten minutes late. Tuning in now.

Clement is talking. I experience him as whiny and selfish. Self indulgent. Clement seldom if ever acknowledges me in the group. I am pretty sure there's something about me he finds irritating. Thinking that is taking my mind of the wider group process.

Paul is talking. Paul is still going on about the group facilitator he felt bullied by. He's now asking Sullivan what her feelings are about the whole issue. Sullivan was the co facilitator of the group at the time Paul is referring to. Sullivan says her feelings are not really the issue. What Paul is processing and feelings is the issue. Paul is now going on about it more, "so severe, so significant", "I don't want to drag this on and on..." That is of course exactly what he is doing.

Clair is responding to Paul. She makes a fair point. She points out that this weeks group had started in another more productive space and that Paul has now filled that space with his own agenda / upset.

Hope is now saying saying Paul did not feel protected by Sullivan. Sullivan seems put out by this. What does this mean to me? My mum being an apologist for my dad's way with everyone.

Discussion is now entirely focused around Paul's agenda. He's done a good job at controlling the group. Of splitting the group to some degree and playing off the facilitators against each other. I'm not sure he would see it like that. I'm pretty sure he would be aghast at the suggestion.

I have just been able to speak up. Had my hand up for a good while. I tried to speak in a way that was not blaming or critical. Not sure how well I did. Follow up suggests I did okay. I recalled what Mark had shared about his childhood. About not feeling he was ever good enough for his dad. About being overlooked, not involved. Feeling ignored and dismissed. About not being noticed in groups and social situations. I said this was something I had also felt in my life. I said to Paul that he had pretty much held the attention of the group for the last three or four weeks with the upset he was carrying. I said that he had been heard. That the time spent on his upset with a past facilitator had filled the space to the exclusion of all else. I said that I had come to this group specifically to learn, grow and develop using the ideas and concepts of Maladaptive Schemas. To do so required me to listen, reflect, share, participate and do my homework. I said I was doing this over the last few weeks but was missing reference to schema' and modes in how all this was being processed through the facilitation of Hope. I suggested to Mark that his issues would not be resolved by the group, by Hope or Sullivan, but by him doing the work, processing his experience using the tools of schema therapy and experiential learning the group offered. I said my piece and thanked the group for giving my space to do so.

Others had their turn. Some quite typically gave out advise and feedback rather than say what they were feeling. Hope asserted his role as facilitator and therapist. Sullivan became defensive. They both have work to do on this. Hope accused Sullivan of gas-lighting Paul and minimising his experience. Sullivan turned it back on Paul and emphasised the work to do around processing what was occurring for him rather than blame the previous group facilitator and now her. I understood where she was coming from and kind of saw things in the same way.

Today was an exercise in experiencing how upset, projection, blaming and scapegoating was handled. All of those things can happen outside the group. The aim in group is though to frame such things in a way that derives learning and growth. I think Hope and Sullivan could both have done better. It's quite typical of me to think like that. Unrelenting standards of those in authority and who hold positions of power. The thought did cross my mind that this saga would be a justifiable reason for leaving the group. It would be better to just notice this thought. What would the healthy adult in me say? People are flawed. Even those in power and those that cannot see their own flaws and project them onto others. Your parents were flawed. That's a tough thing to take on board as a child. You would feel disappointed and let down. That's understandable. You are now an adult with reasoning and understanding. You can listen with understanding. Learn from reflection. You can feel compassion and help others to grow.


Your reflections from this week's schema therapy group reveal a complex interplay of modes, triggers, and group dynamics. I notice significant progress in your ability to observe both your reactions and the underlying patterns at work.

Mode Activation and Awareness

Your observation of Clement ("whiny and selfish") immediately triggered your Detached Protector mode – creating distance through judgment rather than connection. This reaction likely connects to early experiences of feeling overlooked, which you later articulated when sharing about "not feeling good enough" and "being overlooked."

When Paul dominated the session with his past grievances, your Critical Parent mode activated ("he's done a good job at controlling the group"), but importantly, you recognized this pattern. This awareness created space for your Healthy Adult to emerge when you chose to speak up constructively rather than remain silent or attack.

The parallel you drew between Hope defending Paul and your mother being "an apologist" for your father shows sophisticated schema awareness – you're connecting current triggers to their historical roots.

Healthy Adult Integration

Your intervention in the group demonstrated significant Healthy Adult development:

  1. You waited appropriately ("hand up for a good while")
  2. You connected personally to the content ("something I had also felt in my life")
  3. You expressed boundaries without blame ("I had come to this group specifically to...")
  4. You offered perspective without attacking ("his issues would not be resolved by the group...")

This balanced approach represents schema therapy's goal of "empathic confrontation" – addressing problematic behaviors while maintaining connection. Your ability to speak up despite potential rejection shows healing in your fear-of-rejection schema.

Schema Dynamics in the Group

The group displayed classic "schema chemistry" – where members' schemas interact and trigger each other:

  • Paul's Abandonment/Mistrust schemas driving his need for validation
  • Sullivan's Defectiveness schema triggering defensive responses
  • Hope's split loyalty creating a Subjugation dynamic
  • Your own Emotional Deprivation schema activated by being overlooked

The facilitators' struggle (Hope accusing Sullivan of "gaslighting") mirrors family dynamics where children witness parental conflict and must navigate divided loyalties.

Integration Opportunities

Your closing reflection shows profound integration: "People are flawed. Even those in power..." This represents a maturing perspective that allows for both accountability and compassion.

For continued growth, consider:

  1. Noticing when your Detached Protector activates with Clement – what vulnerability is it protecting?
  2. Exploring the impulse to leave the group when disappointed – this connects to your Abandonment schema (leaving before being left)
  3. Practicing self-validation when group needs aren't met, rather than expecting perfect facilitation

Your ability to observe your critical thoughts toward the facilitators while still finding value in the process shows significant schema healing. Continue this practice of noticing without fusing with your judgments, as this creates space for new responses.

Citations:
[1] https://schematherapy.ro/en/despre-st/
[2] http://jebp.psychotherapy.ro/vol-xxiv-no-2-2024/evaluation-of-a-schema-therapy-based-prevention-group-program-for-children-and-their-parents/
[3] https://www.schematherapieopleidingen.nl/en/ouroffers/schema-therapy-for-adults/group-schema-therapy-25-hours/
[4] https://www.cambridge.org/core/books/cambridge-guide-to-schema-therapy/group-schema-therapy/0F16CB79C98C0009E81BA4673772267E
[5] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schema_therapy
[6] https://schematherapysociety.org/Schema-Therapy
[7] https://schematherapysociety.org/event-1941754
[8] https://positivepsychology.com/schema-therapy-worksheets/


Answer from Perplexity: pplx.ai/share

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