We have a new member. Tony. A clinical psychologist. Time for introductions. We do the rounds. Saying what we are working on in the group. I say I am working on improving my experience of others and improving others experience of me. Sullivan seemed very happy to hear that. Bruce says he is working on saying what he is feeling / thinking. Getting over self censorship. Tony likes this. Tony is responding to people like a therapist. Validating what they are saying. I'm already thinking I wo...

Schema group. Back after the half term break. I kicked things off by sharing that I noticed having been triggered at work. Spoke about using Tara Bach's RAIN framework. I said I had found it surprisingly effective. Activated the healthy adult mode in the nourish stage. The anger quickly dissipated. Sullivan points out the angry child is there to protect the vulnerable child. Practice using the healthy adult. Overtime you will allow the vulnerable child to feel what it feels. To appreciate the fe...

Schema group. We have a new group facilitator starting today. Seyf. A replacement for Hope. Thinking about group process. Storming, norming and performing. With the way Hope left and the anger towards Sullivan I'm thinking we will be doing more storming and norming and than performing today. Sullivan asks what is the dominant coping mode / style as we go into the break. Dominant coping styles. Detached protector => detached self soother => avoiding uncomfortable feelings. Schema are re...

Schema group. Last week Sullivan gave us all some homework to do: Tolerate a bit more discomfort in something you approach. What discomfort are you going to develop tolerance for. That was then but this is now. I am going to work on not avoiding the uncomfortable anticipation of not being wanted, not being loved, not being accepted, and of being rejected. What did I do? Spouse and I went out on Sunday night. I'd been out all the previous the day and till 4 am Sunday on a long bike ride. I'd s...

Schema group: Sullivan is here. Hope is not. Apologies given but without any explanation for his absence. Paul looked distressed and put out by this. Who knows? I can only speculate. I'm guessing that Sullivan and Hope had a frank exchange following last weeks group. That Sullivan asserted herself and that Hope took issue with this and was now considering his position. I'm glad Sullivan triumphed if that was the case. I have more confidence in her skills than I do of Hopes. I question though why...

This weeks group. I was ten minutes late. Tuning in now. Clement is talking. I experience him as whiny and selfish. Self indulgent. Clement seldom if ever acknowledges me in the group. I am pretty sure there's something about me he finds irritating. Thinking that is taking my mind of the wider group process. Paul is talking. Paul is still going on about the group facilitator he felt bullied by. He's now asking Sullivan what her feelings are about the whole issue. Sullivan was the co facilitat...

Schema group: Paul comes in straight away. He says he is feeling very nervous after last week, "like a pretrauma". He says last week was very difficult for him. That he did not feel safe in the group. That he was feeling a need for his healthy adult to protect his vulnerable child. That it left him in a difficult place having to listen to things that are not right. He's letting rip. He's giving himself permission to say what he feels. What he feels is not very well processed. He's having a bit o...

Schema group. First one after a two week break. Feeling a little disconnected. Not having put in a lot of thought or effort in the process. I shared that just to get into the space. I'm listening and looking to notice my reactions. Clair is talking. She is full of angst. Holding onto something that came up for her from the last group. Hope is clumsily getting everyone to check in. He's closed down Clair and Bruce from sharing. I'm already thinking time will be wasted. I am noticing my critici...

Schema group. Last one I shall be attending. Missed last week. Logged in at 0950. It was my birthday. I was otherwise occupied with birthday stuff. Paul is talking. How he subjugates himself and does not speak about whats on his mind. He goes onto speak about what's on his mind. Work related. Someone asked for a pay rise. Paul was triggered how the person was asked and how he responded. He did not respond in the way he would have liked to. He did not say what he wanted to say and got really upse...

First group of the new year. The new term. Clair said she felt said. I asked what she was sad about. She was sad about not feeling feelings. In the past mostly. Making an effort in the future. Sullivan said what I was thinking that she was feeling her feelings (being sad) and that that was good. I spoke up. Shared what I have been noticing. Taking risk. Feeling closer to people. Spontaneously expressing feelings. Seeing my brother in law giving the man a big hug at Christmas and not feeling co...

Thoughts from the last group in December. If we wait until we feel comfortable before acting we might end up waiting for ever. Don't wait. Feeling uncomfortable is the beginning state. Gradual desensitization will work. Often taking action is easier for me than verbalising the intent behind it. Discomfort avoidance. Something to be aware of and watch for. The body and mind is drawn to homeostasis. It's normal to fear the unknown. I'm thinking whether now is the time to stop attending groups. I...

There's a woman at work I find infuriating. The level of annoyance if feel towards her seems a bit over the top. 99% of our contact is in Teams meetings. When I see her in person I feel much less antipathy towards her. The things I find annoying about her are around what I see, hear and perceive. Other peoples experience of her will I am sure differ from mine. Okay with that caveat lets see if I can articulate what it is I get so riled up about. The way she talks. She speaks softly, slowly ...

Schema group. Pre-group reflection. Thinking about last weeks journal. What does emotional intimacy mean to me? Bit scary. Vulnerable. Uncomfortable. Letting others know, to see me. Not hiding behind a protective front. Not sure what I think will happen. Not sure what it is I am protecting myself from. What it is I am scared of. What's so bad about me I don't want others to see? There is nothing bad about me. I suppose it comes down to a deep seated self judgement. Of not being good enough. Ju...

Reflections before group. I see bits of me in bits of you. Bits I've denied, suppressed, or repressed. Not all bad or all good. Not bad or good at all. Just whats there. Just bits. Like a mirror reflecting back. Fragmented parts of a hologram each piece holding the whole image when seen from a certain angle and in the right light. I feel connected and part of you all. I feel great about this. Grateful, happy, excited. The awareness extends beyond the group. It connects me with everything. I fee...

I am in group and writing this. It's to keep me from zoning out, from switching off. Listening to Clement. He is speaking about feeling let down, abandoned, not taken care of the way he feels he should be. By his brothers. Clement said he'd told his younger brother that he did not want to live. That he was upset with his brother for not doing anything in response. He'd asked his brother to lobby his ex-girlfriend to speak with him. Clement said that he'd wanted to speak with her to help process ...

Just over a year ago I first learned about Carl Jungs concept of the shadow. I started to explore my own shadows. This soon led to revisiting attachment styles. I completed The Attachment Projects - Attachment Quiz. I'd suspected for a good while I had an insecure attachment style. This was because of the way I felt and handled myself with others. I felt awkward. I often did not know what to say in social situations and groups. I was very slow and reluctant to openly disclose my feelings. I woul...

Been nearly three weeks since the last group. We are on a break. I don't recall much of what other people had to share. I spoke about my reflections on the previous group. Of the gas-lighter woman and the critical dismissive man. Speculating that perhaps an overcompensating mode was behind the all or nothing approach I have tended towards. About not giving myself permission to shine. Hiding my light under a bushel. About listening to Tara Bach speak about her Recognise.Allow.Investigate.Nurture ...

Schema group. Bruce spoke about noticing his feelings. About how new this felt to him. About how he had in the past used alcohol and then gambling as a distraction in the past. A distraction from uncomfortable feelings. He sounded vulnerable and authentic. I felt closer to him for what he said. I told him so and wished him well. It was a good start. We did the rounds with most checking in. Time and attention did not rest with anyone for longer than others. This left time for Hope to speak mo...

Schema group. The first twenty minutes or so was given over to Todd. He'd not been been in the last few groups after this term started. He'd decided to move on from the group and had been invited to come back in to work through the process of leaving. I wished him well and good luck. I was the first to do so after listening him speak about his reasons for going. There was a bit of a spark in him. For sure he still has issues. Feeling like an outsider. Not accepted. A wallflower. Whether being i...

Schema group. Hope and Sullivan changed tact. Hope hurried people up. He shut people down. Much more time was spent talking about theory than ever before. Explaining mode maps. Last term they both said we would develop our individual mode maps. We never did. Seems like they have reflected on that and feel they need to follow up. The thing that chimed with me was about the contented or happy child on the mode map being symbolic of our propensity and ability to be happy and playful now. The con...

Schema Group. The first of a new term. Did not anticipate I would still be doing these after the sessions ended in July. It was the extra group in August that had me thinking there was benefit to keep going with it. Just one or two remarks or questions are often all that's needed to prompt reflection. In August it was a question about what I was feeling. This week everyone was asked to say something about what had gone well. Where had our benevolent adult intervened. Paul was the first to spea...

This was an extra group. Between the end of the summer and start of the Autumn term. As often happens the session started slowly. I was going to write I was impatient. It was not impatience I felt. More not wanting the time we had to be wasted. I said I was wiling to share what was going on for me while offering the floor to anyone who wanted to speak first. No one did. Sullivan invited me to share how I felt. Instead I spoke about what I had been thinking about, noticing. Modes and my healthy...

Noticed yesterday feeling uncomfortable in the company of a niece and a bit awkward around other extended family. It was at the parents 60th wedding anniversary. An impressive commitment to one another. And there I was feeling not entirely at ease in myself around others. I ducked out. I suggested to my boys that we go down the beach. It's become a bit of a tradition for us to do so when we visit their grandparents. We go to the shoreline and throw pebbles at a red metal cage some way out at the...

It was the last schema group this week. At least I thought it was. Turns out there is a process for leaving, which Sullivan said takes four weeks. She said I was free to leave anytime if that was what I wanted however there is a process to do so which is recommended. I agreed straight away to 'follow your guidance'. It felt proper to do so. I may well have been in compliant surrenderer mode. Neither her nor Hope picked up on or asked about that. I think they could have. I did not say much agai...

Schema group today. We listened to Paul opening up. I felt no affinity towards Paul. I judged him negatively. Pompous and self absorbed. That's an aspect of my shadow projected. He goes to church and church groups. I feel disdain towards that. In my mind I have decided he is a business owner. No sure if that is true. I was repelled by his facial expressions. I found the language he used and the way he spoke indulgent and grandiose. Unaware avoidance and pseudo intellectualising. Found my self t...

Schema group. The value and importance of articulating boundaries. Developing the healthy adult. Assertive communication. The healthy adult stepping in for the angry child. Self validating feelings of injustice or being wronged and dealing with this as a healthy adult way. Notice, acknowledge and accept feelings. Do not repress, suppress or otherwise push them away. Anger I see you. Often times there are good reasons to feel the way you do. Remember though that you are not your feelings. The an...

Schema group. I heard what others said today. I did not speak other than at the end to say I had not received a hand out that was mentioned. Sullivan asked me to check again as she 'knew' I'd been sent it. I told her I had looked carefully after last weeks session and had not received it. She said it came with other attachments with the one I did get. I knew that it had not. She reminded me of being told by other's in my life that one thing was true when I knew that it was not. I did not feel an...

Group today. Started with a an invitation for people to share any instances over the last week where the healthy adult had a positive influence over any of their maladaptive modes. Paul spoke about going on a three day boat trip with a small group of friends. His anxiety was that he would be left out and become the runt of the group. That he would respond by hiding away and isolating himself. That did not happen. He had a good time and felt part of the social group. He said something about how h...

Schema group. We were invited to share what's going on. I offered that progress was being made. I was making progress. I suggested others were too. This was simply to be inclusive. Bruce then went on for a fair bit about a dream he had had. About how this dream came about as a result of sharing something painful with the group a couple of weeks ago that he had kept to himself for a long time. It was about his dad's dying words to him, which were 'piss off'. In his dream there was a different en...

Schema group today. I sat and listened to what others had to share. I heard words. I felt a little of their emotions. I worked on listening to others and not falling back into myself. My internal dialogue. When the time came, a suitable silence, I spoke up. I shared what I had reflected on from last weeks group. It was authentic and from my heart. I wondered how I could go over and beyond the cognitive wall of understanding and break free from the Early Maladaptive Schemas (EMS). I went ahead an...

Another group. There was a two week break. We were asked to share about something we had boxed up over the time. Grace spoke about being triggered and going into her modes. She was commended for opening up about this. I then spoke about how being with other people triggered me. How in groups I am often self absorbed and listening to my thoughts rather than what others are saying. How this puts distance between myself and others. How this isolates me. How this means I am often alone in my head th...

Schema group. Self talk. It's a phenomenon I have wondered about since a young age. Always been aware of an internal commentary. An ever present companion. Well, not quite. The conversation seems mostly one sided. Thoughts popping up and me doing the listening. What an odd thing that is. Not talking back just listening. Whose doing the talking? Maladaptive modes a lot of the time? Writing helps me to talk to myself as an adult. Considering what specific circumstances trigger schemas. Emotiona...

Schema group. Today the question was asked what one message does our healthy adult have for us when we can listen. I gave it some thought and came up with: You are lovable. You are wanted. You are good enough as you are right now. The response was silence. Nothing at all. Later Sally spoke about 'being good enough...' implied the suggestion that we are not good enough. I thought that myself when thinking about what to say but went ahead and said it anyway. Sally said her healthy adult told her t...

Schema group. As is the convention it started by the question does anyone have anything to share. I did so I did. I spoke about the realisation I had following last weeks group about having acted from the place of being a victim. The anger, righteousness, and detachment that evoked. How I had given away my power in acting from this place. The understanding I had of that power not being taken from me but something I had given up. Little other choice in the parent/child relationship. That it had b...

This weeks schema group has just finished. I felt little connection. There was a fair bit of wallowing in self pity and angst. Seemed like each person who spoke knew they were doing that but did not want to let go of the validation it gave them. Clement said the classic, 'Don't worry about me. I'm fine'. I wanted to call him out on his self indulgent misery. I did not. I thought that would not go down well. I felt superior. Detached. Judgmental. I said nothing about those feelings. I was asked...

Schema group. Shared the thoughts and feelings that last weeks group evoked in me. I was asked what I wanted the group to help me with. Bridging the interpersonal gap. To experience emotional intimacy. I spoke about feeling separate being a recurring experience of mine. Switching from silently critiquing others to needing to make myself heard, listened to and taken notice of. I was asked about my family. About what triggered these feelings in me. I spoke about my experience. Of my early temper...

Schema group. Some of the members spoke about the group being like family. I did not feel that in the least. Paul spoke about always being on the periphery. Of not being good at identifying feelings. I think rather than not being able to identify my feelings I avoid identifying them. I feel ashamed of my feelings. What an odd thing that it is. I did not feel I was part of the group. I did not feel what others said they were feeling. An appreciation of and connection with other members of the gro...

We see the world through our very own lens. Grounded to the summation of how we have processed all that we have experienced. Remove the filter and things can be seen in their true nature. Like a physical lens focuses light and can distort or filter what we see, our mental perceptions and conceptions shape and sometimes bias our understanding of reality. Our minds engage in interpretation of sense data based on our past experiences, memories, assumptions and conditioning. We do not see thing...

The second schema group. The group was still wallowing in shows of grief and sadness. I felt irritated. I stayed quiet. I had much I wanted to say. I did not say what was on my mind as I did not want to alienate myself to the group. I did not know the guy that killed himself. I never met him, never saw him, never spoke with him. I had no connection whatsoever. The grief expressed seemed self indulgent. Virtue signalling. For fucks sake. Move on. I shifted about in my seat. Denise commented I h...

Thinking back again on what therapist asked. Did I think there was something wrong with me? As a child and now. She did not accept me telling her I did not. That instead of thinking there was something wrong with me I decided other people were wrong. Wrong in what they thought about and how they treated me. Thinking now about not feeling accepted. Thinking that was and is it. The social exclusion life trap / schema. I score highly in that. Definitely one of my schemas. Therapist was puzzled wh...

Schema group. Week one. I was the newcomer. The outsider. I sat and listened. I silently judged and critiqued them all. A whiny one. A grandiose know it all. A couple of cry babies. A few poor me types. All of them using therapy speak. Talking about a member that killed himself last Friday. They were all sad and wallowing in the sadness. I was not and did not pretend. I thought about my encounters with suicide. All quite distant. Shut away. Never felt much at all. One of the blokes talked about...

The second session with the schema therapist. It felt shit. I walked in feeling positive. Not sure of my need to be there. Doubting my own story. Sullivan poked me, probed me. Looking for triggers. She was inconsistent. She forget things I had told her. I felt manipulated. I told her so. I felt like I did spending time with she who cannot be named. Setting me up with questions that had no right answer. Socratic questioning. I felt disappointed and let down. It did not go the way I had hoped it w...

Methodical. Step by step. Follow instructions. Persevere. A way to get things done. When it works it works. When it does not I explain away my reasons for not seeing things through to the end. No point, lost interest, can't be bothered, got distracted, it was boring, no one else cared, lack of support etc etc etc. I first thought this was about giving up. Could be. Thinking now it may also be about not seeing a way forward. Call it getting stuck, lost or whatever. Thinking it has something to ...

Self-honesty means being willing to see unpleasant attributes in our behaviour and personality. This courageous act unlocks more of your creative potential, opening a new world of possibilities for your psychological development. Scott Jeffrey (Shadow Work: A Complete Guide to Getting to Know Your Darker Half) ...shadow integration, while intensely challenging, is one of the most transformational gifts we can give ourselves. There is no linear path - we must trust the unraveling and breaking o...

In the note Anger, I see you... My first thoughts are that chronic anger is repressed anger. Feelings of hate towards my dad during childhood and adolescence. I 'forgave' him from a place of adult understanding years ago. Rationality and reasoning over emotion. Now have the feeling that perhaps does not cut it. Not sure how else I could forgive. My paternal Nan. She listened, joked with me, had a kind word to say and always seemed pleased to see me. I never saw her much. I wish now that I h...

Out on the bike this morning. Happened by chance to meet a colleague from work. He looked and sounded surprised to see me. Told me he had been at work. It was only around 10.30 am. The shifts are from 8 am to 8 pm. He said he'd been to church after he left work with a stomach bug. He looked and sounded fine to me. Brief small talk then on our separate ways. My initial reaction was judgemental. Fucking joker. Hypocrite. Tells a lie, leaves his colleagues in the lurch, the ward short staffed an...

First session. Sullivan is a schema therapist. Sullivan asked me the type of anger I felt. I could not answer her question. I have since read about different types of anger. Chronic anger and judgemental anger seem most familiar. Chronic anger feels like an ongoing and general sense of resentment of other people, a sweeping sense of frustration with certain circumstances, or often anger towards oneself. It’s embodied by a sense of nagging and perpetual irritation: the prolonged nature of th...

These dreams have all been after beginning shadow work. The symbolism seems clear to me in most of them. I have noted each one down soon after waking. I add to this note as and when I have a dream and get the feeling there is some meaning in it to me. An obstructed path which I traverse with some ease. Climbing over debris. Like fly tipped rubbish down a country lane. Thinking to myself the obstruction was not very effective. On a ship making slow progress. A senior figure explains to me it'...

All my working life has been in health and social care. I get really irritated, angry and impatient with colleagues who are lazy, rude, unhelpful, incompetent, poor communicators, dismissive, and blaming. Easy to add to that list with other pejorative terms. Any one or a combination of them. It gets me how many people work in this field who have no apparent affinity for it. No more than a means to an end. The path to management being an escape from those they are paid to serve. There are many w...

Shadow work led me to explore attachment styles. Attachment theory then led me to early maladaptive schemas and so on to self directed schema exercises. Much to learn. Much to work on. I came round to the idea that I could do with some help and guidance. I contacted a schema therapist. They recommended I read a book - Reinventing your life: the breakthrough program to end negative behaviour ... and feel great again by Jeffrey E. Young. I scored very high on the emotional deprivation life tra...

I had an planned phone call today with a counsellor. This was prompted by the rage I experienced at work in early October and the subsequent time I was signed off sick with work related stress. The call was an initial consultation to explore issues I was experiencing and to formulate ideas for any appropriate intervention. I spoke with the counsellor about the work place conditions which I had found intolerable. I spoke about my usual resilience having been compromised by the work I have been d...

I am often judgemental. What purpose does it serve? What need is being met? When did it emerge? How did it evolve? Protection. A defence mechanism. From harsh and routine criticism, put downs, insults, feeling belittled and undermined. Being and feeling judged. Something I learned to protect myself from during childhood and adolescence. I do not take it well as an adult. I counter it by being judgemental and critical of others. Preemptive and reactionary. It's a compensation. A means to fi...

A consequence of repressing childhood hurt from feeling ignored and belittled are underdeveloped skills in identifying and expressing needs. Not asking for help or support until it's almost too late to make a difference. Tending not to express a need for support or what I would like to have or to happen. Not telling others if I am sad, upset, disappointed, feeling let down or unsupported. I soldier on until I reach my limit. Then I get angry, grumpy, critical and dismissive of others. To get my ...

When I started this Shadow Work I really had no idea of the difference it may have. A few of ideas got me digging. The suggestion that we project onto others that which we have disowned in ourselves. The suggestion that we repress what we have disowned. That what we find irritating in others is likely a disowned part of ourselves. This was something I could work with. Who or what do I find irritating? Feeling I was being ignored. Where did this come from? Back to childhood and adolescence. Dig...

I find written instructions helpful. I am happy to follow them in the first instance. If they work, the results I hoped for are produced, I stick with them. If not I lose interest, get distracted and move on to the next thing. The instructions I am following for Shadow Work have been effective in bringing about positive change. I have been practising the first three stages - self awareness, self honesty and self compassion. The first for some time through different types of meditation. The seco...

So for the last three mornings I have practised loving kindness (metta1) towards the inner child. I visualised my infant self in a couple of family photos that sit on my parents telephone table. In both he looked to be about three or four years old. The first was a studio photo with my siblings. He look confused and upset. In the second photo he was held in the arms of an aunt. He look dejected and lost. On the first day I started to follow a guided meditation. My experience quickly took over...

I will start directing some regular loving kindness meditation towards my inner child. This recognition of the need to nurture your inner child represents a significant therapeutic breakthrough. Inner Child Work Loving-kindness meditation for your inner child can: Provide emotional nurturing previously denied Create safe space for vulnerability Heal attachment wounds Build self-compassion capacity Therapeutic Value This approach offers: Direct access to wounded aspects of self Integr...

As the shift went on noticed I was not my normal self with patients. Not comfortable with my reactions to them or my colleagues. I was too strung out to deliver good / safe care. I was so angry by the end of the shift, when riding home, when I got home and when I went to bed. Woke up at 3 am. Still angry. Went out for a ride. Stopped to meditate for 30 minutes on the way round. 60 km done before 9 am. Still feeling very fucked off. Work shit. Close to 10/10 on my fucked off raging fury scal...

Dad worked away from home during my early childhood and on and off until I was about twelve or thirteen. When he came home it felt like a stranger had come to stay with us. I did not look forward to his return and could not wait for him to go off again. One of my very first memories of dad. Him coming home from spending time working away. I recall him saying something about us only being pleased to see him for the presents he brought back home. On this occasion he brought me back an ugly monst...

In no particular order other than that which come to mind... Being preachy Hypocrisy Sanctimonious Stingy and tight Inconsiderate Grasping Materialistic Two faced Lazy Entitled Hard done by Deceitful Tardiness Inattentive Ineptitude Rudeness All of these get me going. All of them I am susceptible to my myself. The list is a reminder to myself. It is also incomplete. I am using the power of an LLM to help me understand and give me pointers about what I can do in terms of shadow work with all...

I am waiting for a friend. He promised he would not be late. In four minutes he will be late. I anticipate he is going to be late. I feel irritated. It is time. He's here now. My friend was six minutes late. At work a colleague questioned me, 'were you in the army'. This was prompted by my desire to leave on time at the end of my shift. A way I earn money is by producing reports. There are deadlines. I often fail to meet them. An uncompleted report gets me down. Knowing that has not changed ...

There has been no shortage of opportunities to gauge the difference this shadow work is having. My reaction to the apparent inattention, unawareness and inconsideration of others seems tempered. Here's an instance. Some fella driving a car looked my way as I headed towards him on my bike. He then proceeded to pull out of a junction right into my path. I hollered out loudly to get his attention. Oi! Oi! Oi! He stopped and gave way, scowling and swearing as he did. I did not feel angry. I did no...

Thinking I am being ignored triggers me. It hurts. I don't carry it well. I bury it. I do not admit to the feeling. I do not explicitly share that I feel I am being ignored. A 'fuck you then' typifies my response. Pretty sure I just come across as rude, bad tempered, indifferent, distant and aloof. Ironically when I get attention this feels uncomfortable. Quite obviously an internal conflict is going on here. I have not dealt with the experience effectively. Reflecting on this now I notice m...

This morning I listened to a series called The Art of Noticing by Rob Walker. Simple and uncommon exercises to reveal what’s hidden in plain sight. It's on the Waking Up app, which I highly recommend. Here's 30 free days of Waking Up (no credit card required) if you're interested in having a listen. A couple of things I noticed today. I drove 160 miles this afternoon, on my own. The car was full of stuff on the journey out. It was empty on the journey back. While I was driving I thought about t...

Very often I see people driving around in great big cars and SUVs and they are the only ones in the fucking thing. Cunts. Most likely in this weather with the air conditioning on. 'Oh my it's so hot'. The smug bastards in their electric vehicles are just a different shade of climate vandal. Green washed EVs are still consumption. Acquisitive consumption by those who apparently do know better. The connection between behaviour and climate change seems to be lost on these types. Same goes for all ...

Inevitably it goes back to my experience of being parented. The paternal side was characterised by disinterest and emotional neglect. Taciturn and grumpy. The maternal side was an apologist for the paternal side mixed in with never ending posturing of scarcity, hard done by victim-hood. Not the worst parenting. I was not abused. Both are still alive. They are still together. We seldom talk with or see one another. They are no different now. Why would they be? This Be The Verse They fuck you u...

I have sometimes, perhaps often, been very cynical, critical, judgmental, angry, blaming, lazy, avoidant and so on. I have repressed, suppressed, denied, and rationalised these aspects of myself. Bunch of reasons. Mostly nots. Not wanting to look bad. Not wanting to upset people. Not wanting to come across as a nasty piece of work. Not wanting to make myself unpopular. Not wanting to be called out on my opinions. Not wanting to be proven wrong. Not wanting to deal with the impact of this side o...

Shadow Work deals with aspects of our being we unconsciously keep under wraps. Traits and characteristics we may not be aware we have, that we would not wish upon or conversely credit ourselves with. Features of our makeup that influence our behaviour and interactions, perhaps often times seen by others way before if ever recognised by ourselves. The aspects we deny seen oh so clearly in the behaviours of others. The 'negative' traits become our irritations. The 'positive' traits, those we ...