I Don't Know | We 12/14

I had trouble sleeping and decided to go back to sleep instead of working out after waking up. Now I'm up for stand-up and feeling okay I guess, but certainly good enough not to warrant napping. I'm not sure working out in the morning and evening of the same day would've gone that well anyways.

The day was fine. I did some tasks for work interlaced with playing games and eating. At one point I was surprised how close the work outside sounded so I peeled back a curtain only to see people a few feet away doing work on my balcony rail. I'm sure they saw the curtain move, but I quickly slunk back into the cave to hide myself from embarassment. I sure hope they didn't hear me say something stupid to myself, but it's not like it matters.

After work I continued to hang out and eat, but I was on the fence about working out since my knees were aching here and there during the day. I guess I made the decision indirectly when I touched the couch and traveled in time from like 8 to 11 PM. The worst part was what I woke up to though.

I checked my phone to see the damage from the nap and saw on BeReal that Ben and Melissa were back in town, but also that they were over at Caiti and Adele's place with some of the other Dallas friends. I also saw that none of them told me about the hangout. I guess I was sleeping until then, but that post was only half an hour old.

That kind of hurt to see. I feel like Cooper from Interstellar; when I check my phone I see people living separately from me like when he saw his kids grow up over video. Well, at least I'm alive.

This reminds me of a Northernlion clip wherein he talked about how it's a good idea to get used to doing things alone when you get older since other people get busy and it gets hard to coordinate. He said it justifies weird hobbies adults have like lawncare and it kind of makes sense. If you have to do chores during your free time, you can at least get into fancy mowers, spend some time outside, and maybe have a beer.

Maybe I should get used to that kind of lifestyle earlier. It seems best not to get any expectations about other people anyways. I have volleyball and even if I'm alone it's so fun doing things like analyzing Yuji's swing technique, learning formations for defense, and researching shoes. It seems like a good idea to lean into it, especiall if I can't control how other people act.