I woke up early and couldn't fall back asleep, but it was nice "chilling in my head" until I had to get ready to leave for volleyball. I packed a lot in case we couldn't eat lunch in between playing from 10 - 3, which made me feel like I was traveling, and the drive wasn't bad at all. In fact, I put on my pump up playlist and was in a great mood by the time I arrived even though I was lost for a bit. The drill portion of the day was great. DJ walked Sherry and I through back row defense (home ...

I woke up around noon, ate, and asked Sara to play games. She and I got onto discord, played Borderlands 3 with pretty low level characters, and it was a lot of fun both hanging out with her and clicking on heads. After several hours she had to leave though, which made me sad to hear. I feel like a dog again. Also I guess we couldn't talk much in the moment, but if we get another chance to I may try making more conversation to light up my brain. Afterwards I was very bored. While trying to eng...

I woke up only to see the meeting I woke up for was cancelled. I tried to sleep for a bit, and then I was skipped over for stand-up. I didn't do any work until the meeting with Sam, which was a lecture like with Trevor. We talked about solid principles, which was weird to repeat but I guess I should keep looking into it. After that meeting I chilled and napped more, eventually woke up to log out at 5, and got ready to eat and leave around 6. I was very rushed at dinner, but packed my food to le...

I woke up for an all hands meeting, which I tried to sleep through. We had no other meetings so I just chilled for the whole day and ended up napping here and there. I did get to work with Trevor again and basically got another tutoring session on computer science (hexadecimal today) before we got to look at some stream examples. Afterwards I kept chilling though and ended up walking up around 6 to a ping from Gonzalo. I realized that he sent it around 5 and that he would see that I read it so ...

I woke up to a dream that I was at some football game in a big stadium and on the way with mom, but messaging dad on the way. I guess we went late and dad was concerned he misguided us, but mom was being difficult and way to realistic. Eventually I snapped at her telling her to stop complaining and roasting her for not using an ad blocker. The morning was routine, but Sam asked if I was in office without an explanation. He tried to talk with me later too so maybe it's something important. I m...

I woke up in time for an all hands meeting where Mila told everyone, among other things, that the Runtime Engineering team's attendance was 29%. I think everyone hates the return to office, but I didn't think the number would be so low even with the boost from this month. Mila also confirmed that 50% will also be acceptable, but added that we may start coming in on Mondays or Fridays to curb the desk crisis instead of finding somewhere to move. The rest of the day was a blur. I slipped into the...

I woke up at 9:30 without much sleep, but I figure it balances out with the heavy sleep the day before. I spent a while getting ready, but we pushed back the grocery run so it was fine. It was fun as always hanging out at Costco with Gigi and browsing, and we ate lunch together (Costco sushi is mid) instead of subjecting ourselves to the food court (although I did get a hot dog as a shopping snack). After eating and dropping the groceries off though, I called about the parking notice (thankful...

This is way overdue but I'm trying to pull myself together. Thank you for trying to keep up with my life. I may also publish the daily entries since I had to leave some things out (mostly work and volleyball details, some rambling). Hopefully it doesn't spam the emails of those who have mailing list reminders. After the dumpster fire that was the week before this, I spent time with friends and it was great. I hung out with Gigi and went to Costco, then went to North Park with some others, at...

Lately I've felt like a slave to my biology. I remember the feeling of Sara grabbing for my arm while walking around on the night of our date and I miss it. This week I realized that I want to be in a relationship too. Before I never cared much either way and just wanted to hang out with people, but I caught myself thinking it and it feels like an admission of defeat. As much as I hate to say it, the good chemicals highly motivate me to hold someone and be held and I want those chemicals. Duri...

Work has been whatever. Mostly forgettable punch-in days, but I'm still progressing on my projects and getting things done in the little productive time I get (since I daydream a lot). Sara confessed to me Monday after volleyball, I agreed to a date on Thursday, and we went out on Sunday. Even though rationally she's amazing, I have trouble seeing her as more than a friend. I remember being into her way back before the Jinn situation, and I honestly wish I could undo the "only see girls as frie...

I woke up late to do errands and eat until my date with Sara. I lost track of time and was a bit late, but she didn't mind. The restaurant was pretty inside and had trees in the center, so we sat next to one. It was great chatting with Sara, about my "rave warm up" theory, wanting to visit Japan, my love of Japanology, video games we're playing and grew up on, and a ton more. The whole time I was having fun, but I couldn't help but wonder if I should be feeling more "sparks". Recently I thought...

My workday was pretty productive. I felt like a donut not being able to demo much for Shabab with the automation utility, but I managed to get some more functionality by myself. I guess it's not so bad as long as I'm not using reactive Java. Along with that I even got myself to make a to-do list to the hour for the day and kept time with a pomodoro. Honestly it wasn't for long, since I eventually had my mind wander a lot, but I still got the big rock out of the way for the day. I also called ...

I'm trying to experiment with posting to the blog for a week's worth of condensed trends with some highlights instead of my daily play-by-play. I've heard some readers have had a harder time keeping up because of the longer entries, so I'll try to keep these free from things like specifics of work and volleyball or my ramblings. Please let me know what you think! I love to keep people in the loop, but maybe this strategy is too reductive. Also feel free to ask me questions about specifics. I'll ...

Yesterday was unfortunately a lost day. No errands done and I didn't even lift. I think I napped despite getting 8 hours of sleep and initially waking up very late, but I appreciated the recovery. The knees and shoulder feel fine now, which has me pumped. Today I didn't wake up early enough to pick up groceries (including those crew socks) or stuff to protect my ankles, but I still have time. The DIVA draft party was mostly chatting with Jason, Devin, and Sara. We had a good time talking ab...

I felt my body exhausted while trying to get up out of my chair during the day. Work was okay, but my team members have separately asked to have meetings about the automation utility, which puts some pressure on me to actually progress. Other than that I napped and was late for volleyball again. The DIVA open gym was okay, mostly sitting around since every team had 7 players and I kept getting asked to play middle. I hope that doesn't force me into playing the position during the season though....

I got up before my alarm, which was a surprise since I didn't sleep much. I think my body is down bad for sleep. I managed to make some progress on my project and meet with Joe to talk about a new story I have, which felt very productive. I feel like as work gets less novel I'll become less descriptive with it. Soon enough it'll only be going well or badly at the moment like when friends describe it. I went home without much of a hitch, tried to stay productive, but fell into the couch trap and...

It was so nice to work remotely, but I guess it wasn't meant to last. We got 2 new team members who don't seem like juniors (worked with things similar to Kafka and Kubernetes). I guess I'm happy to have more of the team's responsibilities split up at least. During a meeting to get to know them some of the team shared about how 3 day in-office mandate seems to be real and happening soon. They said there will be a sliding 12-week period where we need to be in office 60% of days, but they specif...

I had to choke out an excuse as to why I didn't progress much on the automation utility for stand-up, which was hard and embarrassing. Afterwards, despite my best intentions, I managed to get some solid naps in and eat well at least. It's not nearly as productive as I used to be but I'll take it. After work I drove through hell during rush hour to make it to the Costco near Albert to carpool with him and everyone else to Grapevine for open gym. The drive was fun and chatty, but we were surprise...

Woke up for stand-up and it seems like everyone was happy to hear that I made progress. Sam emailed me about a reminder he got that I didn't do the cyber security training, which I was sad to remember. During the day I managed to keep from napping, but I fell down a rabbit hole about money and my personal finances. Gigi recently shared about her changing mindset towards spending money, and that got me to realize that I'm in a great financial position and can probably afford to spend more despit...

Woke up for a stand-up that was pushed back but whatever. I'm tired, but I can only blame myself for ending late yesterday. I also trapped myself into responsibility by telling the team that I would schedule time with somebody to solve my ticket. In response Nicole asked to be invited to that meeting, so I actually have to schedule one. Thankfully just now she was okay with working together. She gave me the idea to use chat GPT to ask questions, which is very clever. I'm glad to have something ...

Woke up early and got to work on time, but my oatmeal leaked all over my clothes, lunch, and car. I was in a bad mood by then, but I was so tired and had to keep redoing a security training that took forever to load. It got so bad that I just went home during lunch. Gonzalo checked up on me afterwards, which was nice, but I napped here and there until the workday ended. I woke to around 6 PM when Andrew asked me if I wanted to play middle for volleyball tonight as a substitute for him. Le...

This entry was condensed since I wrote about it from memory days afterwards. It isn't being published until even later after. I tried to wake up early to lift, but slept in. I didn't even get to do much laundry before leaving for brunch. Gigi wanted to buy flowers and we learned that deliveries to the Whole Foods near her have been lacking, but also that they usually get flowers on Monday and Friday mornings. She also shared about how fresh and cheap the flowers are in NYC, which was interestin...

This entry was condensed since I wrote about it from memory days afterwards. It isn't being published until even later after. Woke up at noon to eat lunch with Gigi, Kimmy, Ben, and Melissa. Explored the Asian grocery near Jeng Chi again with them. After lunch we talked about EDC logistics and there's a lot to plan, but it's exciting. Tasha, the "come find me" girl, also messaged me and my brain stopped working, which was oddly nostalgic to feel again. Every notification was a rush. It'...

This entry was condensed since I wrote about it from memory days afterwards. It isn't being published until even later after. Daniela talked to the "come find me" girl and gave her my Instagram. She added me and I accepted but I don't know what to say. I was going to wait for her to say something, but I'm looking at the kandi and I think I should just talk. I guess at worst I just make a friend. The family was surprisingly not shocked at the hair color. Dinner was rough though. To call the fo...

This entry was condensed since I wrote about it from memory days afterwards. It isn't being published until even later after. I also woke up very warm, which may be because of the overkill blanket since it isn't that cold anymore, but I'm concerned I could also be getting sick since I'm not feeling the best after last night's headbanging. During the day I saw a YouTube video on Dostoevsky and I'm basically Myshkin. The definition of love as practical (over theoretical like loving people onl...

This entry was condensed since I wrote about it from memory days afterwards. It isn't being published until even later after. Woke up for stand-up and napped the morning away. Just hung out during the day. Eventually got myself to eat and left to buy fruit for pre-game. There were so many people since there were friends of friends (Rachel knows Peter, who brought Victoria and Milo). I saw Mitchell meet Daniela and at the end Peter Kim was talking up Samantha, which was especially strange. Our ...

I woke up after very little sleep to a stand-up meeting with only Joe. Just napped and hung out the whole day intending to be productive, but just napping and hanging out the whole day Still pondered the himbo realization and a video about the term separately defined friends as just people who support each other, which was a helpful definition. I picked up my LAN ticket from Brenda, which was a bit chaotic but exciting. The hotel we met at emphasized using photo enforcement for parking, whic...

This entry was condensed since I wrote about it from memory days afterwards. It isn't being published until even later after. Woke up and hung out before getting lunch with Adrian and Matthew. We left for In-n-Out to get coke for the test, but didn't have time to get all of them so called it off. Ate lunch before packing and leaving around 2 PM. Started raining right as I left. Uber ride was strange; nice driver, but a car spun out in the rain and would've hit us if we were a few seconds earli...

This entry was condensed since I wrote about it from memory days afterwards. It isn't being published until even later after. Woke up at 11, but fell back asleep and woke up again at 12. Hurried to get ready for lunch. We went to Umami Burger in the Grove. The restaurant was great, but Adrian spilled his drink and took heavy psychic damage from the experience. The Grove is very cute if pricey as a mall, and I enjoyed the vibe. We went back home to pick up Helen for ice cream and let Adrian cha...

This entry was condensed since I wrote about it from memory days afterwards. It isn't being published until even later after. Woke up at like 11 and missed church. Adrian left to pick up BBQ chicken since it was open for Christmas The chicken was amazing and we ate so much. Later we baked cookies with the last of the dough and our torn shapes resembled a map of the world, which was fun Adrian saw me play Left 4 Dead and I convinced him to play it. It was funny being in a call and messing aroun...

Annie came by to pick me up for the Getty around 9:30. It was nice getting to speak to her again, but I wasn't that shocked about finally seeing her in person. We had a nice time catching up on the way to the museum and the whole experience was cool. We had to take a train up a mountain to get to the Getty from the parking area and they play music to get you excited. It felt strange whipping out my camera like a tourist as an adult since I don't think I've done anything tourist-y since traveli...

I watched a few spooky Jacob Geller videos before sleeping last night (about brain transplants and autopsies) so I was a bit on-edge while trying to knock out. I woke up naturally early in the morning and drank some water, but it was hard to fall back asleep again too. That time it felt like the dry air was the cause instead of being scared. Also while falling asleep I realized that after getting "good enough" sleep (~7 hours), I shouldn't worry about napping since that makes for a net negative ...

My morning was alright, but I woke up early. It was right around 8:20, which is when I wake up for some monthly meetings. It's funny to notice what I think is my body trying to establish patterns. I guess it thinks I want to wake up then and with ~6 hours of sleep. My meetings were mostly about the automation utility since the rest of the team disagrees what to turn the project into (larger learning opportunity vs smaller bare-bones tool). Nicole and I decided to split keep it small to get it ...

I fell asleep on the couch with the lights on, but thankfully I got up at a reasonable time after sleeping in. After that I fed myself and made the decision to cut the top of my hair again. I felt confident doing the front and sides (everything in front of the ears), but I didn't have to time to continue before some of the friends were supposed to meet for a Lunar New Year lunch. It was nice getting to chat with them again and catch up, especially since all of us were up to our own devices since...

I woke up trying to go with Gigi to the Breaking Bad cast meetup near Northpark, but it was a lot more popular than we expected and by the time we arrived the guaranteed spots (secured by buying a particular tequila) were mostly gone and the line wrapped around the shopping center. We decided to give up instead of waiting for a chance to see Walt, so we went to Costco since I needed gas and it ended up being a fun trip as well. The food court at Costco never disappoints and I enjoyed the frozen...

Work was interesting today. It's so nice getting to wake up and "commute" by walking to my computer. Meeting about the automation utility was nice at first, especially getting coached by Sam like I was excited to when matching with teams, but my inability to answer his questions about the long-term path for the project were concerning so I brought them to Shabab. Unfortunately he told me his intentions for the project were much smaller than Sam thought, so I guess I'll have to meet with Nicole t...

I woke up early this morning, which surprised me since I didn't even have much sleep planned. Maybe my body is used to being sleep-deprived now. I definitely shouldn't nap today in order to keep this from repeating. I had some morning meetings and it was nice getting to talk with Sam about the automation utility. He went very big-picture with planning kind of like how Gonzalo did yesterday, and it was very helpful in establishing a roadmap of how we'll split the project into sprints. I feel like...

The morning was hectic since I had to prepare lunch then instead of last night, but I got it done and came into office. I wasn't able to meet with Nicole to discuss the responsibilities of being on-call, but Yumei walked me through them during stand-up, which was nice. I'm sitting pretty far from the team since the area we're in is crowded today and I'm a bit sad to be separated. I also got to chat with Randy over lunch. He talked about the raise and also suspects that our entire cohort will b...

My morning was a little rushed since I had a meeting at 11, but it was nice getting help finishing the Secure Code Warrior garbage. It's too bad that meeting went until 12:30, but James was in the office too so we chatted a bit over lunch. It sounds like his job is less direct development, which I'm not sure I'd enjoy. He also broke my heart by saying that he wants to come into office more often than once a week. I wanted to solidarity of remote comrades, but it seems like I'll have to look else...

I don't remember what happened today or last night. I think I fell asleep on the couch after staying up late again, woke up at 9ish to the alarm I set for yesterday, and did nothing all day. The "pillows to prevent lying down" trick is completely useless. I just put the pillows on top of myself like I'm a lasagna. I ordered a few things on Amazon, but I don't really remember looking things like rave outfits, kandi, lights for totems, and hydration packs out so that was probably yesterday. I bare...

I think I'm doing pretty badly now. I fell asleep last night binging Jon Bois videos and the cheddar ruffles, but woke up at a very normal 9 AM. While lying in bed I found a "funny rave" by a YouTube channel I've been subscribed to for a long time, Xarlable. I was used to the trademark memes mixed with music, but it was weird recognizing EDM that I've heard at raves now (Ray Volpe, Knock2, ISOxo, G Jones). I listened to that set and looked up a lot of the songs used for a while, which threw the ...

I woke up in time for stand-up, which was nice and easy. My afternoon meeting got rescheduled since it's the Friday before a long weekend and we decided to end at 2 PM. I napped, ate, and hung out rereading Haikyuu during the day. I also realized that my volleyball shoes order was showered with a mistyped email and that it would be leaving soon, so that's cool. During the day something came over me and I got the urge to look into rave outfits, specifically for guys will don't involve showing l...

I fell asleep on the couch mom put in my room while trying to journal. I guess I was tired, but it was a bad idea anyways. I woke up at like 6 AM to brush my teeth and properly sleep, and it was hard waking up at 8:30 for a meeting. Thankfully it's huge and I would have no chance of being called, out so I slept through it. During stand-up it felt weird being excited at the progress Nicole and I made on the automation utility when it was only catching up to what I claimed I did before. Shabab w...

Went to work from mom's again. It's nice having a shorter commute, but the drive still isn't fun. It was nice having lunch ready though. During the day I broke and asked to meet with Nicole to work on the automation utility even though I was completely stuck, but made progress. She gave me hints in how to better use ChatGPT and I got the thing to actually print the contents of a json file, which blew my mind. I left late to work with her so the drive home was bad. Gigi also wanted to look at s...

The morning was quiet, but to be safe I took stand-up from home and drove in after. At the gate, the person in front of me didn't seem to have their badge and clogged the entrance. I'm glad I wasn't in a hurry, but the New Yorker in me was so annoyed with them. Maybe I'm hyper-sensitive to it, but while getting my lunch I had a mini stare-down with some girl walking by like it was the club or something. She smiled a bit, then I did, then I didn't know what to do so I nervously kept walking past...

I woke up at 8 for stand-up only to see that they rescheduled it to 10 again. I should've slept, but I planned on sending the modeling agency email and also got distracted watching Tijana Boscovic's arm swing. I also checked LinkedIn because I got an email that Kai messaged me. It was surprising to hear that she took a hospital job to pay the bills after the bootcamp, especially when it seemed like she was my hardest working classmate, but I guess she may not have had the financial runway to k...

I slept through my alarm again, which was a surprise. I set my alarm to be a random song from a Spotify playlist, so it may have been because the song was quiet, along with me being exhausted. Even though I had big plans (shave, shampoo, eyebrows, finish cleaning, catch up on work) I didn't do anything. I just went on YouTube, eventually got myself to cook, and napped for several hours. This is no way to live. The worst part is I went back onto YouTube at night anyways. I have to admit it's ki...

Slept through my alarm and woke up at 2 instead of 10 for the mall. Drove over and managed to find a parking spot through hell. Hung out with Caiti, Chloe, and Gigi at Aritzia where they tried some stuff on. Afterwards stayed with Gigi to check other stores out but she didn't want to look at shoes without the other two. Went into Bottega Veneta, Saint Laurent, Balenciaga, and Louis Vuitton and the employees were friendly, especially in Bottega and Balenciaga. Gigi seemed bored but she endured an...

I woke up to the sounds of Minecraft in real life from the construction site next door since I knocked out without washing up or using my mask and earplugs, but I'm sure I would've been woken up even with them. Soon after waking up Adrian told me that Helen was on her way and bringing ingredients to make burgers. I felt my shame kick in since I felt like a caveman and the place was messy from us making more cookie dough, but she didn't seem surprised by it. I quickly showered as the other two p...

I woke up at 11 to Matthew coming downstairs. He made some coffee and left to hang out with friends, but also said that he won't be back for several days. I guess I'll be hanging out here alone for longer with my spotty internet and cake. I've been watching Russian volleyball training tapes for a while and it's kind of fun apart from the internet problems. Thankfully it seems like I can get reliable internet if I restart my computer's wifi any time my connection stops. It's too bad that I disco...

I woke up around 10 AM to Matthew asking to go to Uniqlo. It was in a fancy part of town and the mall had a lot of luxury stores, but the Uniqlo may have been larger than the Chicago one I went to after North Coast. It was a single floor, but took but what felt like several stores' worth of space with sections dedicated to UT shirts, ultra light down jackets, and the recent Marni collaboration among the usual sections. It was alright following Matthew around as he looked for a cardigan, but it...

Adrian planned on working out early in the morning so he gave me melatonin to sleep at 9 PM. I planned to hang out for a bit longer before sleeping, but knocked out and woke up at midnight to do all that. I woke up for real at 6 for the gym, but Caleb didn't so Adrian started work early and I hung out. At 8 Matthew asked to walk to get coffee together which was fun. We had a little talk about the girl he's talking with and discussed enjoying fashion as opposed to enjoying personal styling. W...

I woke up at 11, which neatly lined up with Adrian's lunch so we went for the wagyu pho. I don't know what I was expecting wagyu to be, but it was great beef for the most part. A few pieces had a lot of connective tissue and were tough and chewy, but overall it was good. Now I'm chilling at home finishing the last of the Mak cheesecake. Adrian and I hung out at home for most of the day since he had to work remotely, but eventually Helen came over and we baked cookies, which was a lot of fun. ...

Writing this right before bed so it's very condensed. Woke up at like 10 Matthew made me coffee and we chatted until he left around 2 He's so excited about this girl and I can't help but be happy for him, but part of me wants to keep him from getting too much expectations since I see myself in him Slept more until Adrian came back from church at 4ish Showered and we wanted to get Wagyu pho but instead went to Pampas Bought stuff for banana bread and picked up cheap whiskey on a whim for...

I planned to wake up at 1:30 PM, but around noon there were a bunch of protestors for human rights in Iran walking down the road in front of my building, which woke me up. At that point I didn't think I could fall back asleep. Eventually I got myself to eat a bit, but I napped for a few hours when I should've been busting my booty to do errands before the flight. Thankfully I packed in time for mom to send me to the airport and she even brought me food, which was a godsend. I bought a LAN ticke...

The morning was pretty lax. Stand-up was even smaller with some people starting vacation, but the others wanted me to ask for help with the automation utility. I didn't want to do anything since I was lazy, but I also felt unprepared to work on it given how much Java 8 I know, so I didn't think it would've helped to ask anyways. I spent most of the morning messing around with all of the new stuff I got, namely trying on the volleyball pads and new shoes. I didn't realize how much pink there was...

My morning was busy, mostly eating and getting ready. I had to pack my volleyball stuff since I won't be going home after work today. Before leaving I tried to pick up my new shoes, but the desk was hectic and I didn't have the time to wait for the package. I was still a bit late for stand-up, but I don't think it's a huge deal. I realized Nonso is pretty late every time, but he's not officially on the team anymore so he may be a special case. The drive over was relatively smooth, but I realize...

I had trouble sleeping and decided to go back to sleep instead of working out after waking up. Now I'm up for stand-up and feeling okay I guess, but certainly good enough not to warrant napping. I'm not sure working out in the morning and evening of the same day would've gone that well anyways. The day was fine. I did some tasks for work interlaced with playing games and eating. At one point I was surprised how close the work outside sounded so I peeled back a curtain only to see people a few...

I woke up with a painful and swollen knee just in time for stand-up, so I decided to work remotely. Thankfully there were some tornado warnings, which led my team to do the same, so I had an excuse. The day has been slow: just playing games and not even eating like I'm a child or something. While playing I realized that fragging never gets old. It's only aided by the rest of the game: teammates, heads to click on that move and fight back, and less toxicity than a PvP game. Now it's past 5 but N...

Woke up with less sleep than I hoped Morning was slow and I played Left 4 Dead instead of doing anything productive Tried napping during lunch and my body is like sensitive The blanket on my neck made it feel like I was choking as I was about to knock out I want to nail down the ticket to LA and time off before end of day ____________ Ended up doing a few work tasks, but still mostly messed around Took way too long playing games and procrastinating I figured out the ticket and logged my ti...

Writing this right before bed, but I don't want to spend like an hour on it like usual Woke up at 10 after knocking out on the couch at 4 AM Made food and watched videos like usual I talked to Adrian and Annie about visiting LA to see both of them I'm still organizing a ticket Considering moving my time off to be then instead of before New Year's Took the plunge and cut my hair It took forever to clip it up since I wanted it to be perfect Using the clippers was satisfying and surpri...

I'm writing this from memory on the night of 12/11 so things are pretty fuzzy. It's not like it's eventful anyways Woke up at 1:30 PM after sleeping at 5:30 Meant to cut my hair, cook, continue errands, and work out Just procrastinated during the day and napped in the evening until like 9 PM Adrian called for some reason so we chatted for a while He didn't read the last several journal entries so I lamented adulthood We also talked about volleyball, the shoes I bought, and how fast ba...

I woke up in time for stand-up, but other than that I didn't interact with anyone for work for the entire day. I barely even got anything done, just reading through a document about changes and notices of benefits for next year. Of course I had to get some unintentional napping in, this time in the morning and evening. Outside of that I just ate, watched volleyball videos, and cleaned up. I did also take a look at the TV and soundbar to see how I could connect the two, and it seems like I'm miss...

I woke up very tired despite getting okay sleep, but I wasn't surprised. I guess my body is working to play volleyball as often as it does. Sleeping on the couch is pretty tempting since I don't have to keep making the bed and it may help with my ankle and knee health, but somehow that sound ridiculous to write. My first meeting was large so I was able to get ready and eat while it happened. Traffic was nothing crazy either, but I actually felt something in my heart during the drive. I swear t...

I had a minor ankle roll yesterday and Eric told me to elevate my ankle, so I slept on my couch to put my legs on the armrest. The position wasn't especially uncomfortable, and I've already proven that the couch isn't hard to sleep on, but my feet and knees feel kind of swollen after waking up. It's like I just finished a day of volleyball, which is strange to feel in the morning while I'm not sweaty. I pulled the usual "try to nap for a reasonable time but go way over" today, but this time I...

I ended up sleeping at 6 AM and woke up at 8 for a KT meeting. Despite all the napping yesterday I feel like a zombie now. I think I'll still go into work though, just leaning on the hot chocolate for today. I thought I left in time to get to work without trouble, but traffic was much worse than usual, which made me boil. Thankfully I had the calm music playlist on, which was exactly what I needed. I think there was work being done on the road, during rush hour of all times. I was late to sta...

I woke up without much sleep again for a KT session, but was still only spectating. Thankfully I got to hear Chitra's child saying hello, which was so adorable I was about to melt and considered turning off my camera. Afterwards I got sucked into researching alligator clips to order along with the hair clippers since tying up my hair yesterday was tedious with my chip bag clips. Even though I thought I got home at a reasonable time last night, I was surprised to be going to bed at 2 AM. I guess...

Woke up in time for the sunrise to take a walk like I planned, but I felt terrible so I postponed the walk to Friday morning. Hopefully the trees stay pretty until then, but I'm not getting my hopes up with how warm the weather has gotten in the past week. I woke up again at 12:30 and did chores for a while. The new robot vacuum I got came in so I messed around with it too. Even though it's nothing compared to what the best can do nowadays, it's so convenient having it clean on a routine and re...

I pulled another "journal in bed" move and it went badly like always. Thankfully I woke up around 6 to wrap up and sleep properly, but I still had to wake up again at 12:30 without much sleep. I wanted to make sure I was ready for lunch since Eric said he would pick me and Gigi up for it after volunteering on the morning, but that meant not having the best sleep. We were behind schedule, but it was great chatting on the way to lunch. Somehow the topic of my Hinge profile came up, which was ni...

I got okay sleep last night, mostly because I could wake up later since I decided not to go into the office, but I had trouble falling asleep. I want to wean off of naps and try getting better sleep, but hopefully I can get to bed at better times during the week. Jinn wanted to call and ask how I'm going because she misses how we used to hang out and wants to return to those times. It's funny how the tables have turned. Back in LA she was the one being distant and I wanted my friend back, but n...

I put that Chainsaw Man video on while eating my breakfast and it seemed like a helpful reminder of a few things: Fear of repercussions is no excuse to not make decisions for oneself I suppose there is no Makima to use me for nefarious means, but blindly following others opens up the chance for one to step in It's impossible to escape pain, so there's not much point in focusing on avoiding it Both of these points invalidate the town mouse mentality of escaping pain and responsibility Inste...

I woke up very refreshed only to realize that it was 10:30 and I got 4 more hours of sleep than I intended. I guess the wear and tear of playing volleyball often and sleeping late caught up with me. I missed stand-up and the KT session, but thankfully the sprint just started so I wasn't missed and Nicole had to reschedule the KT meeting. I decided against going into the office since it'd only be for 4-5 hours, which again I hope doesn't come back to bite me. Maybe I'll come in on Friday since th...

I woke up tired but went to my meetings. I also had another "too late to go into the office" realization so I'm staying home. I sure hope it didn't do anything to ruin me, but no one is taking about it so far. I tried to kill time in my meetings by doing required trainings and they were soul sucking. I don't miss the feeling of taking an online quiz and slowly remembering the correct answers over several retakes. Now I'm about to nap and the 6'1" girl is coming back into my mind. I can't run....

I talked with Gigi last night about the situation the past several days and she thinks I may want to experiment with flirting with people, but I don't know where or how to start. I feel like my biology telling me to pursue baddies is at odds with my value to respect others. It feels like a very blurry line and part of me feels uncomfortable getting near it even though another part of me wants to badly. I guess I'm both a dog and a cinnamon roll. Woke up after less than 3 hours of sleep. After ...

woke up at 4:30 PM since my phone died in my sleep tried journaling in bed before sleeping and it failed again woke up to msg from emily iniviting me to vball in plano ate and eventually left vball was a good time first team was with emily and some high schoolers who were nice and the setter even complimented my hits wanted to play with Albert and Devin, but we split to find teams separately and never got to have all 4 on a team we waited for a court, but some others asked for another ...

i slept very late and tried journaling in bed only to knock out i mostly hung out and neglected my overdue chores eventually eric asked to get dinner before nghtmre gigi was busy cleaning her place up so it was just me dinner was a nice chat abt nyc eventually we came to gigis for pg i brought booze and a fruit platter that was left over from friendsgiving since gigi said she didnt eat much fruit/veg lately i got to meet another med friend matt and cammy's friend eric it was nice drinkin...

I woke up to log myself into work and set up the headphone trick to look busy before falling back asleep for a while. I kept putting off errands and napping for the whole day, eventually getting up only to eat once and go to volleyball in the evening. It was a sad day and I will have to look at all the signs that my life isn't put together (long fingernails, trash that needs taking out, unfolded laundry, dirty floors), but thankfully Gigi still wanted to come to volleyball so I was excited for h...

I went to bed late last night so I only just woke up in time to get ready and head to Mom's house for lunch. I was late, but still not the latest, which somehow wasn't surprising. Dayi gave me some fragrance samples before leaving since she was swamped with responsibilities, which was actually sad since it was a while since I saw her last. Lunch was alright. The food was alright and I caught myself scrutinizing the charcuterie board since I sampled a few nice ones last night. The conversation ...

I did the same thing as yesterday: took too long to make it into work for a meeting so I just stayed home. Today I made that decision at 10:30 instead of noon, but I think odds are I'll be fine for this week even though I didn't go into office at all. I didn't do anything for work but the headphone trick and nobody pinged me or anything. Word of a half day came during stand-up so I logged off at 2 PM asking with everyone else. At that point I chilled playing games and watching volleyball video...

I woke up to get ready to go into the office, but realized that I would leave too late to log in at a desk in time for stand-up, so I went to Union to be ready for the meeting telling myself that I'd leave for the office right after. It's too bad subsequent meetings were back to back with it, which didn't leave me a window to drive over. The meetings ended at noon, by which point I figured I might as well stay remote for the day, so dressed up and with packed lunch in hand I drove the 2 minute...

Woke up for an early meeting, but the team wants me to follow along with the exercises the next newest team members are being assigned. It's a little bit sad, but I suppose it'll keep me busy and I'll get to learn. Nicole and I also set up the automation utility repo, but she was too busy to pair program the beginning of it so I was mostly chilling. I should definitely have been working, but I napped for a while on accident after lunch without the headphones trick. Terrified, I eventually logged...

I woke up at a normal time, but I fell asleep with the lights on until late last night so I'm sure sleep wasn't the best. I didn't do much, but eventually got myself to at least start laundry. Other than that it's just been playing games and watching YouTube for hours. Eventually I even napped on the couch for a while and missed the time I set to work out. Since then I at least got myself to make food and get my mail though. On my walk to get my packages the hallways felt cold. Holding my junk ...

I got plenty of sleep and woke up around noon, but didn't get anything done the whole day. The allure of games got to me and I dumped quite a lot of time into Osu and Left 4 Dead. Even while playing I caught myself wondering if I should limit my time, but a quote from a Haikyuu analysis video saying that having fun and enjoying yourself is worth the time it takes for me to justify it. It's been a long time since I completely lost a day to games and sleep, and it's not a feeling I miss, but I sup...

My day started later than usual since I get to be remote and only felt the need to log in at 9 AM. Even then I was mostly phoning things in and acting surprised when my meeting with Nicole turned out to be unproductive. I kind of felt like a monster since I was overdue on shaving and never got around to it during the day. In fact I was in complete monster mode, eventually playing Osu and sinking a lot of time into Left 4 Dead 2 mods (which I forgot can take a whole day to configure if I want ab...

Woke up for KT session, got ready and drove into work, and the day was pretty productive. Gonzalo pulled me aside and told me to be careful of how close I look with coworkers since someone confused me for Vibha's husband from the pictures we took yesterday. I just had my hand on her shoulder but I guess that was suspect enough for at least one person to guess it. Maybe I'm just on edge after everything related to girls I've been through recently, but I feel like a dog in a bad way. Lesson learne...

I was behind schedule for my living routine because I forgot to pack lunch, but then I realized I could take my morning meetings from home and drive into the office later since I'm staying for the Christmas light viewing. It's such a novel feeling knowing that I have plenty of time and get to wait for something. We had a monthly running engineering retrospective meeting with many people talking about work I had no idea existed, so eventually in my boredom I started to set to myself and play Osu...

I woke up and made it to the KT meeting on time, but I took a while to get ready to go into the office afterwards. Thankfully Sam came in around 11 AM, so there was no pressure on me. The team had a meeting wherein I was given a ticket to create a JSON data validation program standalone to the rest of our projects, which I guess is the first real work I'll get to do. I asked some of the others how to pace the project along with the rest of my learning and they responded that I should pace myself...

I woke up with decent sleep only to realize I missed a development session with Gonzalo that I was supposed to sit in for. I just assumed I would have to log in at 9 AM. What a fool I was. Thankfully no one got on my case, but I think I need to look at my schedule before the week starts to set a different alarm for every day. The polls for badminton came out and there are 6 times to play this week, so I have the calendar opened trying to figure my life out like a responsible adult. It's kind o...

By walking up just in time to get ready I managed to get a decent night's sleep despite going to bed very late last night. I thought I had everything mapped out to get ready in time for Gigi's brunch, but in typical form I fell behind and was late. I planned to get flowers for her too, and it was nice knowing that Whole Foods had my back for special occasions, but I felt bad walking up to the restaurant late. Speaking of which we ate at RH Rooftop, which is on top of a furniture and home goods ...

I woke up to make the olive oil cake for Randy's Friendsgiving, but I got started late since I wanted to eat first. Thankfully it's a quick and easy recipe, and I got it done in time to chill before mom would come with the furniture. I didn't know that we can only use the service elevator until 4 PM, which was coming fast by the time mom replied to my message about arriving. I asked Randy about coming late, to which he replied that it'd be fine, so I figured I'd just be a bit late. Little did ...

I woke up and tried to get that wellness screening scheduled, but I couldn't figure out a way to get the voucher to my personal email to print it. Eventually I gave up and tried chilling and napping, but Eric caught me to go to lunch right as I was settling in. He brought a classmate, Jing, and we had a great time chatting over burgers. We talked about hobbies (Jing likes reading, mostly classics), cities to live in (she doesn't like Texas, and we all want to live in Philadelphia), hobbies (she...

House music and this warm hot chocolate just remind me of Sammy. I wonder what people around me think when they see me flipping through emotions. The day has been fine so far. Getting a lot of little things done (development environment setup for the team and invitations to calendar and source code). I also had a nice lunch with Randy, his bootcamp friend Sierra, and Gonzalo. Gonzalo is becoming more and more interesting by the day too: Apple products only, very work-centric, drives a Corvette...

It was difficult falling asleep again last night. Eventually I started imagining that I was holding Sammy again instead of my pillow, which destroyed my brain and my heart. I woke up a few hours after I properly fell asleep and considered saying that I was feeling under the weather since the flu-like symptoms escalated last night (cough, sneezing, runny nose), but I heard excited of myself telling my team that I would be there in person and get lunch together so I pushed it to get ready. Despi...

I woke up surprisingly tired given how I got nearly 8 hours of sleep. Maybe it's the sickness. My pacing for the morning was a little slow so I was a bit late to work, which was stressful in the moment. Thankfully I'm not being tracked, and Sam even came in later than me. The morning was filled with meetings: with Sam to discuss expectations for me and topics to read about, with the team observing their stand up and office hours, and with a few of my teammates from training during lunch. I have ...

I woke up around 7:30 even though I set my alarm for later since I'm working remotely and start at 9, probably out of habit. I figured I'd start my morning early instead of trying to get a bit more sleep though. The day has been very uneventful so far. I messaged Sam to let him know that I finished with training and he told me that he can get me caught up on things to do when I come into the office tomorrow. I told him I'd try to stay busy and he responded saying that he can talk with me for ...

Yesterday the group invited me to play volleyball again today at Liberty in Plano. I was on the fence since I don't like to be outdoors during the day, especially after I'm sweating off my sunscreen, but figured I'd go for the special occasion. I got to sleep 8 hours last night, which was great, and didn't have any shameful dreams, which was even better. I did my typical cleaning and laundry routine, but realized I wouldn't have enough time to vacuum and clean my shoes before leaving to play. T...

I'm ashamed to admit that I dreamed about being with Samantha again and getting more time with her. It was cold both in reality in my room and in the dream so we held each other a lot. Even though I knew about the situation this past week, I still held her and it still felt good. I don't know why, but I did it. Call it instinct to stay warm. Call it inner desires. Whatever it is I missed the feeling when waking up, which I wasn't proud to realize. I've been doing a few to-do's for things lik...

I didn't sleep much, but I feel pretty good especially for having just received the booster and flu shot. Gigi told me to watch out for my reaction and that I may have to miss volleyball, but I feel just as sluggish as usual without much sleep. Maybe it's speaking too soon, but I may just be built different. Work is slow since we're only preparing a presentation, but I started slapping together an EDM playlist and Illenium is sending me into the shadow realm. I guess it's no surprise how music ...

The morning has been alright so far. I only slept about 6 hours, but I've felt surprisingly awake and didn't have trouble leaving bed. Work has been good. I drove for our mob programming to do some tests and it wasn't nearly as scary as it seemed before. We also got a lot done and without any hiccups. I sent the journal out to Rachel and Alex and have been talking to Alex about the situation. He thinks that I should lay down the law and not associate with Sammy similar to Adrian's advice. Talki...

I woke up feeling better than I did yesterday. Hopefully this is the road to a happier existence. I also sent Gigi the journal from yesterday before going to bed and she said that she wants both me and Sammy to be happy, which I'm still sitting on. It's surprising to hear that about Sammy given how much she seems to dislike Gigi, but I suppose she's still May's friend. Either way what Adrian told me is right; Sammy is probably trouble and not good for me to be around. I do still feel bad abou...

Waking up was hard today. I got close to 7 hours of sleep, but I think I'm still in sleep debt from the weekend. Gigi really Nivva'd me. I'm so on the fence about Sammy and don't know how to interact with her anymore. Fred and Dave are disagreeing about how we should and can do these features for the rewards application and my brain is melting hearing Fred go off about what a product owner and the firm wants. My brain was fried after waking up from a short nap during a break earlier, but I ...

Woke up early for breakfast buffet and work. Phoned it in completely throughout the day while packing in the morning and eventually at Sammy's house. Gigi, May, and Daniela went to some aesthetic food hall and photo area in the city, Post, while I stayed at Sammy's. Her house is very well furnished and looks lived-in with all the souvenirs and trinkets around. Eventually we laid in her bed together and started cuddling, which was nice. Later she made me lunch and I got to chat with her mother a...

We woke up a bit before 10 to get in on the free hotel breakfast buffet and took everything back to our room. It was nice getting to joke around with people right as I got up, even though I was on 4 hours of sleep for a few nights, and they even said I was lively for the morning. When we finished eating I slept until ~2:30 when Arushii came to get her ticket. After some delays and confusion we managed to get to the venue in time for some of Two Friends, which was fun even though I didn't know ...

Woke up after 4 hours to pack, get coffee, and pick up Gigi to go to Houston. The drive was good and we had a lot of time to chat about how life has been going, our pace relative to others and if it matters, and how we want to take big decisions. We got so into the talk that the drive passed by pretty quickly. Eventually we stopped at a Buc-ees and got to take a picture with him, which was a definite highlight. We went straight to a Chinatown restaurant, Jing 5, for noodles after getting gas a...