Me? 😳 | Mo 2/6

My workday was pretty productive. I felt like a donut not being able to demo much for Shabab with the automation utility, but I managed to get some more functionality by myself. I guess it's not so bad as long as I'm not using reactive Java.

Along with that I even got myself to make a to-do list to the hour for the day and kept time with a pomodoro. Honestly it wasn't for long, since I eventually had my mind wander a lot, but I still got the big rock out of the way for the day.

I also called about the parking notice since my second email to appeal was only met with "we gave you an appeal". I actually went back to having hope since the representative told me that they only handle the payments and that I should contact the company responsible for the infrastructure since I had an issue with the website. I guess I can do that tomorrow.

I went to drill day for volleyball and it was pretty good. To start the new shoes are treating me alright. I was surprised to feel the left foot a bit uncomfortable since the right was the more narrow fit before, but my ankles had no problems with crew socks on.

Some of the drills were very good practice, mostly for passing, but a few felt improvised and too difficult to get much out of (passing a deep cross shot, then immediately a line shot, then a tip). We also scrimmaged at the end, but it didn't feel that effective with only 7 people total. Overall I thought practicing things like serving and passing was great, but some of the other exercises were not as effective. I do think we could make the sessions much better with a few tweaks to the number of people and a better pool of drills though.

Afterwards I chatted with Sara about positions and how much I should push to play opposite, which got so long we just went to her car. There we chatted for a long time about all sorts of things (competitiveness in sports and school, why I chose software, college life, family). Eventually the topic came to relationships and reading flirting from others.

Somewhere along the way Sara asked me if I was ever interested in her, and I vaguely remember thinking so when I barely knew her. Now that I think about it, I was more interested in her than Jinn before that whole fiasco. She then responded by saying that she's interested in me, especially after our talk last Sunday when we worked out together. This caught me off guard, especially when she said some of my mindset is pretty rare (she mentioned being okay with my partner making more than me and wanting them to be independent).

I kind of stumbled trying to respond about how I felt, but she told me I was just rambling, assured me that I don't need to respond immediately, and said that she won't mind if I don't reciprocate. I choked out something about being in a good position to start a relationship but said that I'll need some time to think about it.

We continued to chat until like 2 am when a security vehicle circled around and we called it. Afterwards I caught myself being in an amazing mood, but I'm fighting to think about this rationally. I think Sara is cool, independent, and supportive, but I'm trying to think if it's a good idea to start something with her. I guess she is a little blunt when she talks and could be more empathetic, but I can't think of much else I dislike.

I'm scared things will go badly since neither of us has experience, mainly that I'll lose another friend. That's why I've actively tried to keep my friends as friends; I feel like it's hard to return to the usual friendship after the confession happens and it'd be even harder if you were together. I guess I did just talk about wanting to try to date, but I feel like I have to say yes for the right reasons. I don't want to see Sara as an experiment, only say yes just because she confessed, or not be fully committed. Maybe I could just ask to go on a date and sus it out gradually.