Clarity | Th 12/1

I put that Chainsaw Man video on while eating my breakfast and it seemed like a helpful reminder of a few things:

• Fear of repercussions is no excuse to not make decisions for oneself
  • I suppose there is no Makima to use me for nefarious means, but blindly following others opens up the chance for one to step in
• It's impossible to escape pain, so there's not much point in focusing on avoiding it
• Both of these points invalidate the town mouse mentality of escaping pain and responsibility
• Instead it's probably best to set goals and shoot for them

Maybe life can be as simple as progressively chasing after things that I want, no matter how mundane they seem. Denji went from trying to escape the Yakuza to wanting to touch boobs to trying to kiss a girl. Maybe to climb the ladder you really do have to start at the bottom. I guess a long-term relationship can't ever be achieved without having a short-term one first.

Then again who gets their life philosophy from a manga. Actually I take that back; some fantastic lessons come from Haikyuu so I can't write off the medium's ability to tell stories and teach. I guess the lessons and stories in Haikyuu don't have much to do with friends and especially relationships though. If only 😔😔

I managed to get to work without any hurdles and it's surreal seeing another team near me decorating one of the sanitizing wipe stations. I'm jealous how much fun they're having. I actually didn't think it was possible to laugh that much at work. Maybe that's what I sound like playing volleyball. This feels like The Office, but I'm a background character.

I got some Java 8 lessons in, and Durga's heavy Indian accent is actually quite calming rather than confusing. Maybe this is what those niche ASMR videos I get suggested about random topics like physics sound like.

I also had lunch with Randy and we talked about the badminton group. He agrees that the group spends quite a bit of time and money together, especially for people who have only know each other for a matter of months. It seems like they, especially the core of the group like Kanna, just don't have other social circles and can spend their time driving and hanging out so often. He also noted concern that the group is young enough for there to not be any drama, which we both thought was a matter of time.

After lunch I kept cranking at the Java lessons, did some small tasks for a customer inquiry ticket Yumei gave me, and witnessed more hijinks from the team who was decorating earlier. Now they have home-made costume pieces and jewelry and it's like LAN came early.

It's not even 3 PM but I'm ready to dip from work. No one even asked me to speak for stand-up this morning, so I guess I don't even need to be here.

I got gas before going home, but even then I got caught in some traffic and it was ~30 minutes driving back. I didn't think traffic could make me feel fear, but here we are. It was unbelievable going to the nearest Sam's Club and realizing how close it is to my old home. If mom was still living in Plano and I stayed there I'd probably have a 10 minute commute. I guess you can't escape the past. The drive back was sort of nice when I saw that leaves changing colors though. Just in time for December. Late as it may be, it's nice and makes me want to try taking a walk on the Katy Trail.

While at home I played a bit of Left 4 Dead, napped unintentionally, and worked out later than I meant to. The gym was nice, especially without having my brain fried by girls. The rest of my night has been lax: just watching YouTube videos and looking at pictures of BTS V hairstyles since I realized my hair seems similar to his.