Pain | We 11/2

I woke up feeling better than I did yesterday. Hopefully this is the road to a happier existence.

I also sent Gigi the journal from yesterday before going to bed and she said that she wants both me and Sammy to be happy, which I'm still sitting on. It's surprising to hear that about Sammy given how much she seems to dislike Gigi, but I suppose she's still May's friend.

Either way what Adrian told me is right; Sammy is probably trouble and not good for me to be around. I do still feel bad about Slander and her staying over. Maybe I shouldn't let her do it, but I did make a promise and maybe I could just stay distant.

I really did get Nivva'd; even though I can't deny the facts and red flags, my opinion of Sammy flipped on its head. Jinning Sammy feels terrible though.

I tried taking a nap during a short break, and it was nice getting some rest since I've been getting tired after I woke up, but I started remembering the fun I had with Sammy and it was hard to fall asleep. Feeling myself just about to go under was so comforting; I remembered how I set an alarm and could let go for a little bit. It's too bad I never actually fell asleep though.

Work has been alright so far, but Fred is lecturing us on how our tickets have been created improperly and I'm falling asleep. I need to use this time to figure out insurance since tomorrow is the last day to enroll.

I tried napping again after work and having a clear mind just made room for the memories to flood in. I'm just replaying how I'm a sussy dog and doing some combination of fake crying and laughing any time I remember the past three arcs.

I hung out before volleyball messing around with the mac instead of everything in insurance. I need to figure out dental too, which was a punch to the gut. Maybe I can call Mom or Adrian to ask about details and hopefully submit.

Eric picked me up for volleyball and we talked a lot about Freaky Deaky and raves: ones we've been to, want to go to, the culture of different festivals, and our raving careers. He also asked about the Jinn situation, which is funny to look back on since it's so irrelevant now. I didn't get to everything, but I did talk about Baylor and my suspicions about Nivva, which he doesn't see reason for. I also mentioned what happened at the party, but he just said that girls talk, which is truth I need to internalize. I didn't get to say any more since we arrived by then, but I don't think there's anything else I had to say. I also didn't get to talk about the Sammy situation though, which I would've appreciated insight on.

Volleyball was a ton of fun tonight. The group was big enough for us to need 2 courts, and the crowd was a lot more skilled on average than usual. While warming up Josiah also gave me an old ball of his, which he had a replacement for. Surprisingly I wasn't over the moon until after taking it home and cleaning it realizing that I can mess around with it during my free time. My team was a lot of "monsters" who looked intimidating and were unfamiliar, but I got even more nervous when our setter started talking about roles for 5-1. Thankfully my team was positive, if less chatty than usual, and our setter Oliver was very helpful when it came to tips as a middle:

• backing off from the net as soon as I can guess that the opponents are sending a free ball
• staying an arm's length away from the net with hands nearly touching it when about to read a block
• guessing which hitter the opponent setter will favor and staying a bit closer to them for blocks
• leading with the hand in the direction I transition to for the block
• pointing my arms and hands towards position 6 when blocking
• starting my approach behind the attack line to stay about an arm's length away from the net while swinging
• approaching very close to the setter and having a consistent relative position to them for 1's
• not being afraid to run into the setter to work on that approach
• the lack of need to aim my hits if I make contact above the blockers
• the need to jump as my setter touches the ball to properly time a 1

Oliver was a treasure trove of information and the whole night made me miss playing 5-1 on Mondays. I especially loved how helpful he was when I made mistakes, always giving feedback while not being mean or impatient. I felt like I was in the "monster's ball" when I saw the amazing hits and digs some of my teammates had, and it got me so hungry to play every time I was switched out for the libero.

I had some nice plays: decent hits of 1's with wrist snap despite being late to the ball and some good blocks, especially during hitting lines. Things were not perfect though. My one serve went into the tape like they all have recently, I got in people's way a few times while transitioning to hit, and I was late on most of my hits and blocks. Thankfully my team was patient and friendly, but it may have been partially out of unfamiliarity.

I also caught the girl on my team Vicky smiling at me when I was being nice or saying something encouraging. It made me realize that I'm a real sweetheart, or a goody two-shoes, but that is the real me and I suppose some people may like that. I will not turn this into anything though I swear, especially since I'm still kind of in the Sammy situation. It's not like I've even gotten to talk to Vicky anyways, which by now I know is the real tipping point into feelings territory.

After playing I ate with Anthony, Adele, and Caiti. We had a lot of fun playing trivia and joking around at Cane's, which gave us the idea of doing a trivia and possibly also movie night in the near future. The drive home was a lot of fun too. Adele put on "Good Things Fall Apart", which was so cathartic to sing given the Sammy situation. It made me realize that despite the situation being messy during the festival and especially after, I did like her.

We kept jamming to Adele's karaoke playlist, which was fun and energetic with a lot of lovestruck songs. They made me see the situations I've been going through in a bittersweet lens, somehow both funny and sad. Now I realized that I should tell Rachel and Alex about the Sammy situation. It's funny yet tragic catching myself uploading some of these entries to a public blog again, but I do think they should know and want to know what they think.